WordAlone (sic) - To Yeastify Concordia Seminary, St. Louis

WordAlone (sic) is the slightly conservative lobbying group within the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. They could not possibly believe in the Word alone and still hold their beliefs, so that is why I used the Latin sic. For those of you who were listening to Punk Rock instead of studying Latin, the word means "their error, not mine." If I quoted someone who claimed Chicago was the capital of Illinois, I might add (sic) to prove I knew the difference. This little word is great fun when Lutherans misspell Lutheran in writing one of their hair-on-fire emails to me.

Where was I?

Oh yes. Concordia Seminary has invited these tepid Lutherans to study at their posh seminary in Clayton, one of the tonier suburbs of St. Louis. They used some Schwan loot to buy the school next door, so that place has plenty of room to expand. My prediction is that Gerald the Bold will move Ft. Wayne to St. Louis to save money, installing some nice Church Growth hive at The Fort, as they like to call it. The Fort has been surrounded and eager to surrender for years.

Here is the link to the story from WA. Hide Your Sister, No Your Brother - WordAlone Is on the Clayton Campus!

My problem with WA is their turn-back-the-clock-ten-years approach to ELCA's feverish dogmas of apostasy. WA definitely does not trust the Word alone. They are nostalgic about the times when they could read PR news releases from ELCA and not wince or answer strange questions from their co-workers, like, "Does your pastor know all the Broadway show tunes and the original cast names?"

More troubling still is Missouri's willingness to "dialogue" about false doctrine. This is what Bartelt,their LCMS seminary rep, said to WA:

While noting some areas of theological agreement between WordAlone and the seminary, Bartelt did not ignore two potential areas of dispute. He wrote, “Indeed, we welcome those who are willing to engage in honest dialogue and conversation about controversial theological matters, including issues such as the historical-critical method [of biblical study] and women’s ordination.”

He also wrote, “With others in our faculty and administration, I am pleased to continue to foster, as appropriate, the relationship already nurtured through dialog with your leadership and network.”

Why not welcome the chance to debate about the Trinity, the divinity of Christ, and other settled questions of doctrine? WA is not even close to historic Christianity, and Bartelt's open-mindedness shows the seminary is not either. Both Concordia seminaries are only a few years behind ELCA in progressive thinking. That is why WA is welcome. The differences are slight.

WELS - Where Did the Schwan Money Go?

Here is the link:

http://www.concordtx.org/opinions/jac_melt.htm

Kuske/Stolzenburg Fiasco - Pilgrim Community Church, Columbus

Paul Kuske, voted out of office as District VP of the Michigan District, WELS, started one of the first stealth missions of the Wisconsin Synod.

Crossroads in Detroit (Rick Miller) was not enough of a fiasco. Kuske and DP Mueller needed another, bigger one. For that they required the expertise of Floyd Stolzenburg, forced to resign from the LCMS ministry. Somehow WELS needed a disgraced Missouri pastor to be their Church Growth expert in Columbus, Ohio. Kuske was behind setting up Stolzenburg in Columbus to do that.

Floyd and Paul were great buddies. They planned Pilgrim, quotations to follow soon.
Pilgrim was designed to have no liturgy, no creeds, no signs of being Lutheran. When people were invited to attend Pilgrim, the affiliation was kept a secret. Finally Kuske had to put in the tiniest font the fact that Pilgrim came from a Lutheran parish.

According to the favorite thinkers of modern Lutheranism - Robert Schuller and Lyle Schaller - the name Lutheran would hurt the new mission.

As I recall, attendance peaked at 13 on Easter and dwindled to 3 soon after. Pilgrim, the ship designed to save many a soul, sank beneath the waves with watery groan, "unknelled, uncoffined, and unknown." Years later a WELS robot phoned me to say Pilgrim never happened. He kept yelling and hung up on me. "I was there. I have the quotations." Click.

Coral Gables Fiasco - WELS - Update

WELS was hotter than Georgia asphalt for the newest concept in Church Growth. They would build a nice building for once, not an ugly WEF unit. They would put a team together and dump all kinds of money on the project. Money is The Means of Grace for Church Growth fanatics.

The result was Coral Gables, Florida. The project was such a fiasco that the mission disbanded and WELS sold the building to the Church of Rome. "Look at that, Fred. WELS finally built a first unit that was not a carbuncle and they sold it to the Antichrist."

They put their best WELS Church Growth pastors on the project. One of them is still in the area - Randal Cutter. He is the senior pastor of a healing ministry congregation in the area.

Randal Cutter, M.Div., Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary

See the Mary Coyle posting.

I knew Cutter and liked him. Rick Miller was another one in the same class (1987) who was trained in Church Growth and left the Lutheran Church altogether. Miller started Crossroads Community Church in Detroit, still thriving, still not Lutheran.
WELS approved of Crossroads, too.

Mary Coyle's Ice Cream Parlor

Mary Coyle's Ice Cream Parlor makes the best ice cream I have tasted anywhere in the United States and Canada.

Somebody Stop Me!

The location is not impressive, south of Bethany Home Road, on 7th Avenue in Phoenix. Next door is an eyesore of a building, painted yellow-green.

The interior of Mary Coyle's is ordinary, except that it is crowded with people at all hours.

They actually make ice cream at the store, and that ice cream is the highest quality possible. Baskin Robbins used to be high quality. Then they tried cheapening the ice cream while selling it for the same price. A lot of their stores have closed. Dairy Cream is tolerable, but it is iced milk. There are some specialty ice cream chains around Phoenix. Cold Stone is one, where they mix nuts and other treats into the ice cream on a slab, then serve it. Maggie Moo's is another chain store in this area. Their store is full of puns about cows. Cold Stone and Maggie Moo's are both a cut above a McDonald's shake, but not classic high quality ice cream like Mary Coyle's.

What happened to ice cream is the story of the Lutheran Church. Lutheran doctrine and worship were once widely admired. No other denomination has anything like the Book of Concord, which is a united confession of faith and a statement of orthodox Christianity for all time. After a long bout of trying to be Baptist, the American Lutherans got serious about worship and became liturgical again, going into the 20th century. The Christian church was born liturgical, continuing the worship traditions of Judaism.

The temptations of the 19th century were the Evangelical Alliance (Baptist style unionism) and Pietism. The Evangelical Alliance was an attempt to unite all Protestants. The Lutherans who were swept up in this business only had to give up the efficacy of the Word, baptismal regeneration, and the Real Presence, a small price to pay - they thought - for unity. Pietism emphasized unity over doctrine, works over confessions. People felt better because they were working together for the common good.

Similar influences have cheapened and ruined the Lutheran churches of today. They offer iced milk, or worse, a McDonald's milkshake: cheap, profitable, and easily served by dummies. When did Lutherans need a pit band and cousin Brunhilda crooning "You Light Up My Life" to a back-up tape? The best argument of these apostates is, "We have one on every corner now."

And they do.

How did this happen in the Missouri Synod, Wisconsin Synod, and the Evangelical Lutheran Synod? I asked the late Robert Preus and Slick Brenner the same question, "Your clergy are almost 100% from your own seminary. How could they turn against Lutheran doctrine and worship?" Both of them answered similarly, "I guess they were not trained properly."

That is the key. The old Synodical Conference seminaries fell into a pattern of mummified ecclesiasticism. Mequon (WELS) was so stilted in 1987 that cobwebs were practically growing over the professors. Doctrine was taught by reading a compilation of orthodox quotations, student by student. The library was hardly used. The classrooms were morgue-like, except for a fair amount of grammar school pranks.

No one could ask a real question. This was the perfect atmosphere for developing an anti-Lutheran perspective while going through the motions of dead orthodoxism. That is why the patterns of expression are so similar, "We know only the Word is effective, but..." The real emphasis follows the conjunction but. "Lutherans favor the liturgy, but..." Students got involved in studying Pentecostalism and Baptist doctrine on the side. Some sneaked away to alien denominations, where worship seemd joyful and spirited, where preaching was impassioned. And those barns of boobery were packed with sweating masses of people aching to tithe. Seminarians were smitten. Professors swooned in secret. World and American missions people plotted. "If only we could graft ourselves onto that clump of burdock, so strong, so fertile, so lush in growth!"

And they did.

WELS wits say, "Valleskey could not help himself. He was an abused child. His father made him read all that Schwaermer stuff." David Valleskey's father was one of the first to fall in love with Baptist-Pentecostal doctrine. Valleskey Senior was the first one to create an evangelism program. Note well, gentle readers, that WELS grew until it had an evangelism program, then began shrinking.

David Valleskey, student of Fuller Seminary, where all denominations study together, was probably taken in by the Evangelical Alliance vision - all Christians working together. His rebuke to me was, "They are Christians, too. We can learn from them."
WELS learned a lot from Fuller Seminary.

Lutheran doctrine has gone the way of old-fashioned ice cream. The ingredients are set aside for cheap substitutes. Nevertheless, we are supposed to enjoy the outward attributes of ice cream (cold, white, dairy) with the substance missing (real cream, butterfat content, quality flavorings).

When was the last time Lutheran leaders invoked the Book of Concord or Luther's sermons? Instead they promote the Barna Report on how to market the Gospel, or they ruminate about one of their recent mediocre professors. The pastors think that a new person at the counter is going to serve different ice cream, so to speak.

Missouri and WELS will fight over who will be president this summer, but not over doctrine.

Dark Horse Candidate for WELS President - John Brenner

Crumley, LCA
I have made some good predictions about who will be president of various Lutheran bodies. When Robert Marshall was leaving the LCA office, due to popular demand, I suggested James Crumley as the next president. He struck me as a suave gentleman who would survive while the others eliminated each other. I received severe rebukes from friends. Crumley it was.

Bye Bye Bohlmann
I could see Bohlmann's defeat coming because someone working with LCMS leaders told me how much Ralph was loathed. This person was not anyone the readers would know. The Missouri people were not posturing, as church workers often do, when they expressed their feelings about Ralph the Insolent. One professor, who asked that I not send mail directly to his seminary address, referred to Ralph's pastoral leadership as The Terror.

Kieschnick
I predicted Kieschnick's first victory and his re-election. The so-called conservatives were so busy pounding each other that Gerald the Bold was voted in both times. Wohlrabe would probably be a much better president and could garner the votes this year to replace Gerald, but the office carries a lot of useful clout to be used for elections. Gerald is just a stand-in for Ralph Bohlmann, and Ralph will pull a lot of strings to continue getting even for being voted out of office. Hell may not have more fury than a woman scorned, but Ralph does.

Brenner DNA
I did not want to ruin my reputation as a Cassandra by forgetting a possible dark horse candidate for WELS Synodical President: John Brenner. Remember, in WELS, blood is thicker than doctrine. Family ties are everything. Genes seem to convince people that the past can be re-lived through a descendant. Missouri has similar illusions, with their fondness for anyone named Preus.

There are three John Brenners to remember.

SP John Brenner
The first was Synodical President and pastor of historic St. John's in Milwaukee (the one with all the light bulbs). Old John Brenner was truly Old WELS. He saw the change in Missouri before anyone else. SP John is still a scarecrow for the WELS liberals. WELS did not discover the Church Growth Movement until Naumann was Synodical President.

Slick Brenner
SP John begat another John, also known as Slick Brenner - for his hairstyle. Many WELS pastors have a distinctive nickname, so the pastors know exactly who Panzer, Slide, and Jumpin' Jack are. Slick Brenner has been the nemesis of all liberals. One time he went to Milwaukee to find Ron Roth, famous for his Church Growth enthusiasm. Roth was not in the headquarters office, he was told. Slick shouted, "Then why are his legs behind that divider? I see you sneaking out of there, Ron Roth. Come back." That was a story Slick told with glee.

Sparky Brenner
Slick begat another John, nicknamed Sparky. People say that Sparky has his mother's irenic personality. Sparky was dean of men at Michigan Lutheran Seminary (big plus for the Michiganders) then professor at the seminary, another brownie point. His brother-in-law is Marcus Manthey, an instructor at MLS and a leader of Issues in WELS, the oh-so-mild dissenters of WELS. Sparky has been mildly critical of Church Growth, usually by mildly criticizing Pietism. In other words, Sparky has the bloodline to be nominated and he is not offensive to people. He has name recognition as well. If the votes start adding up, Brenner would surely represent schools and Old WELS while Mueller would symbolize Church Growth pratfalls, open communion, women's ordination, unionistic work with ELCA, Church and Change, and gifts to the United Nations.

Some are saying, "There he goes again. United Nations. Phooey." Pardon me, but WELS did send money to the United Nations. So there. WELS does work with ELCA all the time. Religious work. Unionistic work. Left-wing stuff. A vote for Wayne Mueller is a vote for the future, a black and bankrupt future, but the future nevertheless.

The Wisconsin Synod likes to create a new rule to fight a problem from the past. After the seminary kicked out its president, J. P. Koehler, they decided that they would not have personalities clashing together. Koehler, a fine historian, and August Pieper (brother of Francis, who absconded to Missouri) butted heads. Look for the rule to be followed for the election. Believe me, the person will seem mild, not wild.

WELS Presidency - John Seifert versus Wayne Mueller

Some have asked John Seifert to run for WELS synodical president. Wayne Mueller, as President-in-Waiting, will not be amused. A third candidate may be Marc Schroeder, president of the doomed Luther Prep school in Watertown, Wisconsin. I am listing Schroeder because his enormously long proposal, sent to me by two different readers, loooks like a platform. Therefore, two candidates represent the soon-to-be extinct prep schools: Seifert for Michigan Lutheran; Schroeder for Luther Prep. One candidate stands for Church Growth, Church and Change, women's ordination, shutting down the schools to have more missions - Wayne Mueller.

WELS is completely divided now. If Mueller wins, the pro-school people will be outraged. If Seifert wins, the Church Growth/Church and Change people will be upset but ready to leverage their advantages.

Gurgel was the conservative dream candidate once, eager to fix those problems created by Mischke. Hearts were fluttering when Gurgel won. Soon a WELS pastor contacted me and said, "We are praying for Mischke to return." That did not take long.

If someone slightly conservative wins, he will be like Al Barry, the late Synodical President of the LCMS, letting everything go on as before.

One of the biggest problems of WELS is that people are supposed to speak about everything in a dream-like haze, much like another cult, the Mormons. Everything is wonderful. Lots of WELS anecdotes end with a Missouri pastor coveting the perfection of the Wisconsin Synod, mourning the loss of Paradise in the LCMS. I never heard a Missouri pastor say anything like that, but the myth is powerful in WELS.

The doctrine of WELS Infallibility is the biggest burden to carry forward. If they admitted they were wrong and stupid about the Kokomo Statements, that would mean their idol Sig Becker was imperfect. They could never admit that one of their idols--who left Missouri for WELS--was or is imperfect. They have recorded lectures from Sig Becker at Mequon, so the dead are also enrolled in the teaching office of the church.

Here is my summary sheet for the presidential race. I will update the blog with additional candidates, if they surface.

1. Wayne Mueller - He is the front-runner by virtue of filling the office of First VP of the Synod, previously serving as head of Fuller Parish Services, and previously serving as the McGavran Professor of Church Growth at Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary, Mequon. All the Fuller graduates will support him. The Church and Change fanatics, who are Legion (filled with demons), will support him. Synod administrators and world missionaries will back him because their part of the budget has increased at the expense of the schools. He has the best chance of winning, but many WELS pastors loathe him for his apostate agenda and domineering personality.
   
   
2. John Seifert - John's only call has been as pastor of the congregation in Midland, Michigan, but he has always been in the synod bureaucracy (various boards) at the same time. He was elected District President after Mueller vocally supported the DMLC/NWC merger. Having Seifert on your side is like having the Italians on your side in warfare - worse than no help. He has always lived in a dream world about WELS, or he says those Mormonesque things because that is the way to run for office in WELS. Even when Frosty Bivens defended the Church Growth Movement by saying he went to Fuller, Seifert thought Bivens was orthodox. Seifert also "forgot" Bivens said that, in front of the Midland Circuit, in Seifert's own driveway. Later, Bivens said he could not imagine why I claimed he went to Fuller! I did not ask Bivens. He volunteered the information. When I responded with some heat, Bivens went inside to sit with the women, traumatized that someone disagreed with him. I see Seifert as having very little chance of winning. The anti-school, Church Growth, Church and Change, "missions," and women's ordination people will line up against him, determined to win even if they happen to lose the election.
   
   
3. Marc Schroeder - I heard that pastors in Florida who questioned Church Growth were given new calls out of the district. One day I got a letter from a parish pastor in Florida, Marc Schroeder. He had some questions about Church Growth for a conference paper he was writing. I answered and then found out soon after that he was the new president of the WELS prep school in Watertown. So the story was true! Ask about Church Growth and ye shall receive a call outside the Florida district. When virtually everyone was shunning me in WELS for my opposition to clergy adultery and Church Growth, Marc Schroeder made a point to come up to me at chapel in Watertown and say hello. Outsiders can hardly imagine how dangerous this was. A true politician like Seifert would have glared at me from 100 yards, as the DP did at MLC graduation. (I got the same basilisk glare from Sparky Brenner, whom I had known for years. One graduate's parent asked me why so many people were giving me the laser beam, even across the auditorium.) Marc probably has more contact with WELS pastors since he is in the state where half the membership of WELS resides. Michigan is much smaller in membership and also divided along doctrinal lines. Most likely Schroeder and Seifert would divide the dissenter vote, giving the election to Mueller.

Too Funny for Words

"The Right Rev. James Heiser was ordained into the ministry in 1996 and has served in central Texas since 1998. In 2006 he was called to serve as Bishop of the Evangelical Lutheran Diocese of North America. His other responsibilities include holding the office of President of the Center for the Study of Lutheran Orthodoxy and Dean of Missions of The Augustana Ministerium. A founding member of the Mars Society, Bishop Heiser has presented essays to seven conventions of that society."

Heiser

The Right Reverend Bishop of the Evangelical Lutheran Diocese of North America has six mini-congregations, including his. As Krauth says, the smaller the group, the grander the title.

ELS Meltdown - Pope John the Malefactor Liberates Congregations

Pope John the Malefactor was born John Moldstad, Jr. When the Evangelical Lutheran Synod threatened to slip away from the consecrated and consecrating hands of WELS, the insiders voted out the First VP, who would have replaced Pope George the Malleable. Moldstad was voted in. Kincaid Smith boasted about this accomplishment, which made its way into Christian News. Moldstad's previous boast was becoming a Bethany Seminary professor without graduating from college.

Pope John has been kicking men and congregations out of the ELS, albeit with great sadness expressed. Observers doubt the melancholy nature of the act since John does this so often and with such alacrity. In each case the congregation could have stayed while issues were worked out. His Grace, Bishop John Shep, kicked out of Thoughts of Faith and the Ukraine, told me a few years ago, "John is a walk-the-plank type of guy. Just wait."

The most famous case involves River Heights, Minnesota, where Rolf Preus (son of Robert Preus) was the pastor. Rolf criticized the ELS attempts under Orvick to adopt the Wisconsin Synod's false doctrine about the ministry. When Pope John the Malefactor replaced Orvick, he went to the River Heights congregation and issued an ultimatum. The congregation must leave the ELS, suspend Preus, or fire him. Threatened as they were, the congregation suspended Preus. Moldstad maneuvered until Preus was fired after that. The Antichrist in Rome has that kind of power, but no congregation should hand their power to call over to an official.

Several other pastors were forced out by Moldstad, according to ELS Bad Boy:

1. Immanuel, Audubon, Minnesota. Pastor forced out.
2. Cottage Grove, Wisconsin. Pastor forced out.
3. Fertile, Minnesota - congregation left the ELS. Served by Rolf Preus.
4. Crookston, Minnestoa - congregation left the ELS. Served by Rolf Preus.
5. Faith in Litchfield left the ELS with its pastor.
6. Brockdorf was suspended, then left the ELS with his congregation.
7. Lanier was suspended. He left the ELS with his congregation.
8. Lawson Jr. was suspended. He left the ELS with his congregation.
9. Williamsburg, Iowa, was kicked out with its pastor, for opposing Moldstad.
10. Pastor Lehenbauer resigned from the ELS roster because of his opposition to false doctrine in the ELS.

Add to this list a few closings for various reasons. The ELS is tiny, so the ejection of so many pastors and congregations must be alarming to the survivors. Another pastor is in the Moldstad crosshairs, so that would probably mean another congregation. ELS Bad Boy says that Moldstad would look like a chicken and smell like a roof if he showed up at some congregations.

One reader asked, "When will they vote Moldstad out?"

Another one wondered, "Why didn't Moldstad make any noise when Roman Archbishop Weakland was an honored speaker at Wisconsin Lutheran College?" Answer - Professional courtesy.

The good news is that the congregations freed from the embrace of WELS/ELS/Fuller will have a chance to proclaim the Gospel through the Means of Grace.

A Confession from the Church of the Lutheran Confession

Correction

Re: February issue, p. 10, second column,
five lines from the bottom. The sentence should
read: “Jesus was declared to be no one less than
the eternal Son of God....” We regret the unintentional
omission of the words “no one.” - Ed.