How To Be Contagious - Like Fuller Seminary

After flopping with Pilgrim Community Church in Columbus (sponsored by Paul Kuske) and Crossroads Community Church in South Lyon (three WELS pastors - Rick Miller, Mark Freier, Kelly Voigt - supported by DP Mueller), WELS has once again proven that its learning curve is flat.

WELS has blessed Phoenix with CrossWalk (get it? Cross Walk). I do not think they ever call it CrossWalk Lutheran Church. I looked up their website and had serious trouble finding what denomination it was. More on that slop later.

Phoenix already has a huge Church Growth Stealth Lutheran Congregation - Community of Joy, ELCA. Thousands of members. The senior pastor has a D.Min from Fuller, just like Lawrence Otto Olson, nicknamed Larry O! and Our Staff Infection. He has been contagious for years.

Back to this whole issue of being contagious. I read Jeff's column in FIC. Some of you public school graduates are wondering, "What is FIC?" The magazine used to be The Northwestern Lutheran, a fine name with a decided handicap - the name Lutheran. Boo hiss. How can we grow with Lutheran in our magazine title? And Northwestern? The reality is - half of WELS is in Wisconsin, the old Northwestern Territory, more or less. The other half of WELS is in Michigan and Minnesota, with pockets in Nebraska, which has the population of Rhode Island. WELS is no more a national denomination than is the Evangelical Lutheran Synod.

Now that I have explained FIC, it seems entirely appropriate that a magazine ashamed of being Lutheran would feature a congregation ashamed of being Lutheran. That is one definition of contagious.

As soon as I saw Jeff's article in the June issue of FIC, I thought, "This smells like the latest craze at Fuller Seminary." That beehive is so predictable that I can ignore the place for 10 years and still have my Dreck-Detector (TM) go off. I googled "contagious Fuller Seminary" and got this link:

I Think I Am Going To Be Sick!

Good old Bill Hybels, WELS' favorite theologian and pastor of Willow Creek Community Church, is selling a kit on how to be contagious. They sell the kit at the Fuller Seminary bookstore, a sure sign of approval. The WELS leaders send their sheep-like shepherds to Willow Creek to be trained in being non-denominational.

So Jeff is contagious and has a contagious church. His article will amaze anyone interested in exploring the vanity of Church Growth wannabees. His authority is a book on Primal Leadership, Yale School of Management. Some emotions are contagious, he declares with authority.

Jeff, if I stand in front of an audience and begin throwing up, some people will gag and toss their cookies. If I laugh, they will laugh. If I repent of my criticism of Fuller Seminary and Willow Creek, dabbing my red-rimmed eyes, some women will start crying and say, "I think he means it, poor boy." I did not have to go to Yale University to learn that much.

Primal Church Growth Tactics

Why do these people love everything except the Word of God? Why do they trust every secular fad but reject the Means of Grace?

Now I will explain why I call a pastor Jeff and do not even use his last name. That takes us to the latest Church Growth experiment, CrossWalk. You must have a strong stomach to view their website:

WELS Double Cross.

Jeff is the pastor there. If we look up "Jeff's Weekly Hello," we find out he has a last name, Gunn, a wife, and five children whose names all begin with "A." But there is no indication of his denomination. The message about Virginia Tech is Reformed in nature, quoting the favorite bad translation of the unionists, the NIV. People are invited to church Sunday for "a great message" (no sermon?) and "terrific music from Jonathan" (no worship?). There are many commands to pray, which the Reformed love. Prayer is their one and only Means of Grace.

CrossWalk is going to have a vision event (another Fuller and corporate management tool) to envision the next 15 years. Most of us do not know what our cell phone carrier will be in the next six months, but these vision things are handy ways to manipulate while seeming to listen. "Fritz, you want to return to the historic liturgy and the Book of Concord? Does anyone have an idea that won't scare away our prospects? Yes, Velvet, how is that dance job working out? Great. You want to teaching dancing at CrossWalk? What a vision!"

The statement above is satire, purely for the amusement of our pan-Lutheran readership.

In reality, the website is another sad, sick manifestation of the Fuller plague.

KJV 2 Timothy 2:17 And their word will eat as doth a canker (transliteration - gangrene, also translated as cancer).

I once visited a woman with gangrene. She was very close to losing her leg. She was so contagious that I had to visit her wearing a gown and a mask.

Look at how contagious Fuller and Willow Creek have been. The WELS magazine ejected Lutheran from its title. The hymnal does not have Lutheran in its name. Hymns in CW are often the old Baptist warblers that TLH never allowed. Doctrinal verses have been cut out of Lutheran hymns. Feminists have reworded the Creeds. Sheep-like shepherds are told to appear as Reformed as possible to embrace the vast hordes trembling to join WELS as soon as Luther's doctrine is neutered. What a disgrace to Christianity.

Wednesday - Why Men Hate Going to Church. (My answer - Because sensitive Church Growth fanatics have sissified church with pandering messages and VBS ditties passed off as hymns.)

Hiking Group - I cannot imagine Christ dying on the cross to set up hiking groups.

Guitar workshop - Ditto.

Online giving - "God has a claim on you!" Rubric: "We accept Visa, MasterCard, Discover, and Amex."

And you thought I was being cruel about the vision workshop? Reality is far more piercing than anything I could make up.

Food - "Join us early and bring an appetite! Our CrossWalk Cafe serves bagels, donuts, fruit and our own special blend of coffee (we use only "fair-trade" coffee beans!) or fresh juice. The CrossWalk Café opens at 8:30 a.m. on Sundays. We'd love to get to know you!" (I am glad they are sensitive about fair-trade coffee.)

Common Questions - "We're friendly! We strive to create a warm, friendly environment for you. We won't surprise you by asking you to stand up or stick out in any way. We also won't ask you to give us any money. We want you to be able to check us out without feeling singled out. No pressure!

We're relevant! Our messages are meant to apply to your everyday life. They're practical and filled with comfort. We believe that everyone needs to know what God expects of us, and what God offers us in his love. If you come to CrossWalk, you'll hear just what God has to say about this - straight from his Word, the Bible! With our upbeat music and our fun and creative worship, you'll go home encouraged and equipped each week!"

Willow Creek pioneered "We won't ask you for money." But the website asks for online giving. Hmm.

I finally found a definite affiliation with WELS on the Common Questions page. The cafe is mentioned on TWO pages and affiliation on only one.

This contagious leadership and contagious church baloney are supposed to be new and revolutionary, but this is the same old Dreck served up 20 years ago and failing everywhere. C. Peter Wagner, the Pentecostal Baptist, admitted that Church Growth principles do not work.

The Yale School of Management will not help. Perhaps this might:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than
your thoughts.
10 For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither,
but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:
11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void,
but it shall accomplish that which I please,
and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
12 For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace:
the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. Isaiah 55:8-12