Mortgage Meltdown Leads to Ballpark Renaming

Bank One won the naming rights for the Arizona Diamondbacks Stadium, so it began as BOB, the Bank One Ballpark. Aggressive Chase Bank bought up Bank One, so the stadium was renamed Chase Ballpark. That seemed appropriate, since the D-backs were always chasing the hot grounders hit past them.

However, the mortgage crisis hit Chase so badly that they were forced to give up their naming rights, actually sub-letting the lease to another company, General Mills Food. Corporate lawyers were not sure they could do this at first, but an overnight decision from a circuit court allowed the controversial decision.

The food company thought Jolly Green Ballpark sounded too childish, so they decided to go upscale for the benefit of tony Scottsdale, nearby. The new name will be the Lesueur Ballpark, after the region near Minneapolis where the peas are raised. The cold weather is especially good for the peas.

Loof Lirpa, the company spokesman, admitted that the name was tricky. "Ya, da name must be said correctly or it sounds yust like La Sewer. We don't like dat."

The Chase public relations team vowed they would help get the bank back on its feet again so they could get the naming rights back. "It's so bad now, that when a customer starts a new account, we ask him for a toaster."

A reporter for the Arizona Republican agreed. He said, "I stopped at my branch today and they couldn't give me change for a twenty."