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| The only way to get Erin to hug her bear for the photo was to tell her not to. That was a major effort, and she grinned about it. |
My friend from many years back lost his wife recently. The loss of Christina is very much with me, so I thought I would mention a few things I have learned.
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| Red-haired "Lucy" with her sister Maria |
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| Christina was a genius researcher and a constant source of encouragement. |
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| We went to an LCA national communication conference in Seattle. Christina posed with James Crumley, Lutheran Church in America president. |
My Funny Valentine
As a widow from our Moline class said, "The first year is the hardest." Acute grief is a time of extraordinary pain, because marriage is the only relationship where two become one. The loss is much greater than anyone can imagine.
I expected to be in a fog for a year, because my mother's death was like that. The fog lifted because my Moline classmates kept reminding me of how much she meant to them as a teacher. More than one said, "She saved my life."
My congregation and Christina's family helped me in my grief, in countless ways. Kermit Way and Maria Ellenberger Way drove straight through to get to the parsonage. The last two-way conversation Christina had was with Maria on the phone, when she said "I love you Maria." The last voice Christina heard was "I love you Grammie Chris" from California. She grinned from ear to ear, though not able to speak, and grinned the same way as she slipped into sleep.
I am going to list a few things that lifted me slowly from the Slough of Despond. I could list dozens, because dozens were needed, but these are the individual ones that a husband would know best.
- I realized the encouragement Christina gave me was not lost in death but kept alive and intensified by the fact of us being one flesh. Our oneness was not lost but shifted heavenward by 50%. She said, "You still have work to do."
- I improved when I began recalling the wonderful memories we had, from meeting at Augustana at the age of 18 - when I was still 17 - to 55 years later.
- Chris was dubbed Lucy by her father for her red hair, her crazy ideas, and her laughter. She was shocked at first by my polemics on the blog, but she offered comments that left me breathless with laughter. She never realized how hilarious her observations were - especially when she described synodical staffs. "Am I that funny?" I said wheezing, "Yes."
- We went to a lot of movies at first, then to as many live performances as possible. We saw Vincent Price, Peggy Lee, Katherine Hepburn, and others, live in Chicago.
- Her favorite actress was Hepburn, and we both loved "Bringing Up Baby." Chris was even zanier in real life than Hepburn playing a role in the "madcap comedy."
- Medical appointments often led to eating lunch at restaurants where we engaged the staff in various ways - favoring our favorites. One regular Red Lobster waiter asked me to perform his upcoming marriage. It was in a beautiful setting in Fayetteville, overlooking the valley.
- We did most things together, so she got to know churchly villains and valiant ones as well as I did. We realized that dastardly behavior was a benefit in getting us into an independent congregation with the rapidly growing computer and Internet media.
- After the funeral, I gave away tons of things others might use or pass along. My favorite creation now is the Happy Corner, where I have pinned the best photos of Christina with Bethany Joan Marie and Erin Joy. I look at the Happy Corner every day and smile, remembering those times, not lost welded in my memory.
- All three girls are now with Jesus Christ, the Son of God, born of the Virgin Mary, Miracle Worker then and now, atoning for our sins, rising from death and ascending to heaven - Our Good Shepherd.
- I pointed out to Chris, just before she died, "We will not be separated, but with the Savior on one side of the gates or the other."
Try Not To Smile
