Wayne's World, Wayne's World Party Line, Party Line

If you want to know what is going on in the bowels of The Love Shack, 2929 N. Mayfield Road, read Wayne Mueller's blog. Ichabod costs nothing, by the way, but WELS spends over $1 million a year on technology. The technology is not impressive.

The party line is clear. President-in-Waiting Mueller is saying, "We will tell you what we will do with your money. If you do not improve, we will close Michigan Lutheran Seminary. If you do improve, we will close MLS and probaly Luther Prep, too." (I almost added And your little dog Toto.) The two preps will take down Martin Luther College.

Here are the facts. About 300,000 communicants give $1,000 per year per communicant. That includes all giving through the congregation. The math is easy. WELS has $300 million in giving, give or take a few dollars. I did not install $250,000 in software on my computer, so I may be a little off. At least I haven't spent $8 million twice and blamed it on my wife!

The communicants are saying, "We won't fund the party line." The pastors are sitting on their hands instead of applauding the synod. Some ministers actually formed a mild protesting group, Issues in WELS.

Can anyone imagine what the brilliant minds at The Love Shack have conceived in the Last few decades?

1. Let's have a new feminazi hymnal, and get rid of that Lutheran name. That will bring in hordes of new members. Charismatic Worship! No, too obvious. Christian Worship.
   
2. Let's get rid of Lutheran on the name of our magazine. And Northwestern as well. Too regional. That will bring in hordes of new members. Forward in Christ!
   
3. Let's work with ELCA on evangelism and worship. They are so cool.
   
4. Let's pay pastors to study at Willow Creek. One day all our congregations will be as big as Willow Creek Community Church.
   
5. Those Michiganders need a spanking. They did not want Martin Marty speaking at our college. Let's close their prep school.
   
6. The treasurer said we couldn't spend all our reserves and then some. Let's fire him and hang him out to dry.
   
7. Fuller Seminary hates Lutheran doctrine just as much as we do. Let's get all our leadership through Fuller and use Church Growth methods to rock the planet. I can see it now - World Evangelical Lutheran Synod. No, dump the Lutheran label, and add some personality:

   Wayne's World Evangelical Cell Group Association!