Bethany Joan Marie Jackson, Erin Joy, and Christina Jackson,

 Bethany Joan Marie had the curly reddish hair.

 

Bethany Joan Marie loved her brother so much!

 Erin Joy was always filled with joy.

 

I Keep Thinking about This Teen

I often get someone knocking on the door about insects, windows, and other sales items. The teen was in his late teens and talking about screens. I explained how I was a renter (aren't we all?) and not a good source.

On the way out from the porch he looked at three metallic photos of Christina, Erin Joy, and Bethany Joan Marie. He asked how they were made and who were they. I said, "My wife Christina died of cancer and our two daughters had a mysterious ailment."

He looked over each photo and began crying. He said, "You put their photos in the garden? What a wonderful way to honor them." 

Christina Elizabeth Jackson

52 Years of Marriage

"Build a Rose Garden. Grass is boring."

               

Erin Joy is portrayed as "a gift of heavenly joy," holding her teddy bear.

Bethany Joan Marie - "Nurses always called her Angel.

In her mother's arms again.

Do the Math - It Can Only Get Better

 

I am running into people crepe-hanging, a cool name for draping everything in black for a funeral. There is even a misspelled song about that term, similar to the bush that is called crepe-myrtle or crape-myrtle. You can see where this is going, so laugh a little and let me continue.

My mother would not let us get grumpy or weepy about anything, and she always insisted on making us smile or laugh, using her big smile to stop the tears or pouty looks.

In a recent Luther sermon, he emphasized that our only job is to work, and that God takes over the anxiety and worry for us. No matter what we think, imagine, or fear - no one can predict the future - except God.

Bethany and Ida loved each other so much.

I remember the time when our youngest, Erin Joy, was on the way. Despite what the experts at the Cleveland Clinic said, we were worried about Bethany Joan Marie having the same mysterious, weakening disorder as Bethany. I prayed daily that it would not happen, especially the Clinic said it was extremely unlikely. But then I began adding this petition - "Whatever happens, help me be a good pastor, husband, and father."

Bethany was propped up because she could not sit up. That bit of strength left her early.

There was almost no help and expenses were very high. Bethany and Erin Joy became two bright lights of love and happiness, their IQ and eyesight equally awesome. Speaking ability - no. Smiling, laughing, and catching on to every joke - a delight for everyone. It is impossible to enter the shadow world of disability and not be changed by it. 

Erin Joy had the same loss of strength as Bethany, but also the same beautiful smiles and laughter. Many cruel things were said about them, and most relatives shunned them. That was their loss.

Now we have a nation with no President. He resigned, but that did not make anyone take his place. Uncertainty abounds, so the best we can do is to pursue our labor and let God do the worrying, planning, and anxious months ahead. 

My only job was to sit in an apple tree and eat a donut.

My Funny Valentine

 

The only way to get Erin to hug her bear for the photo was to tell her not to. That was a major effort, and she grinned about it.

My friend from many years back lost his wife recently. The loss of Christina is very much with me, so I thought I would mention a few things I have learned.

Red-haired "Lucy" with her sister Maria

Christina was a genius researcher and a constant source of encouragement.

We went to an LCA national communication conference in Seattle. Christina posed with James Crumley, Lutheran Church in America president.

My Funny Valentine

As a widow from our Moline class said, "The first year is the hardest." Acute grief is a time of extraordinary pain, because marriage is the only relationship where two become one. The loss is much greater than anyone can imagine.

I expected to be in a fog for a year, because my mother's death was like that. The fog lifted because my Moline classmates kept reminding me of how much she meant to them as a teacher. More than one said, "She saved my life."

My congregation and Christina's family helped me in my grief, in countless ways. Kermit Way and Maria Ellenberger Way drove straight through to get to the parsonage. The last two-way conversation Christina had was with Maria on the phone, when she said "I love you Maria." The last voice Christina heard was "I love you Grammie Chris" from California. She grinned from ear to ear, though not able to speak, and grinned the same way as she slipped into sleep.

I am going to list a few things that lifted me slowly from the Slough of Despond. I could list dozens, because dozens were needed, but these are the individual ones that a husband would know best.

• I realized the encouragement Christina gave me was not lost in death but kept alive and intensified by the fact of us being one flesh. Our oneness was not lost but shifted heavenward by 50%. She said, "You still have work to do."
• I improved when I began recalling the wonderful memories we had, from meeting at Augustana at the age of 18 - when I was still 17 - to 55 years later.  
• Chris was dubbed Lucy by her father for her red hair, her crazy ideas, and her laughter. She was shocked at first by my polemics on the blog, but she offered comments that left me breathless with laughter. She never realized how hilarious her observations were - especially when she described synodical staffs. "Am I that funny?" I said wheezing, "Yes."
• We went to a lot of movies at first, then to as many live performances as possible. We saw Vincent Price, Peggy Lee, Katherine Hepburn, and others, live in Chicago.
• Her favorite actress was Hepburn, and we both loved "Bringing Up Baby." Chris was even zanier in real life than Hepburn playing a role in the "madcap comedy." 
  
• Medical appointments often led to eating lunch at restaurants where we engaged the staff in various ways - favoring our favorites. One regular Red Lobster waiter asked me to perform his upcoming marriage. It was in a beautiful setting in Fayetteville, overlooking the valley.
• We did most things together, so she got to know churchly villains and valiant ones as well as I did. We realized that dastardly behavior was a benefit in getting us into an independent congregation with the rapidly growing computer and Internet media.
• After the funeral, I gave away tons of things others might use or pass along. My favorite creation now is the Happy Corner, where I have pinned the best photos of Christina with Bethany Joan Marie and Erin Joy. I look at the Happy Corner every day and smile, remembering those times, not lost welded in my memory.
  
• All three girls are now with Jesus Christ, the Son of God, born of the Virgin Mary, Miracle Worker then and now, atoning for our sins, rising from death and ascending to heaven - Our Good Shepherd. 
• I pointed out to Chris, just before she died, "We will not be separated, but with the Savior on one side of the gates or the other."

Try Not To Smile

Some Photos

Bethany is just above the other photos, the Bulletin Board of Happiness below.

I wanted these photos where I could see them many times each day. Upper left is Bethany grinning for me, on the couch, Sturgis. In the middle - Christina and I graduated early from Augustana in 1969. Upper right - Erin Joy burst into a huge smile with her mom holding her. Lower left - Bethany is in the arms of Christina, about one year old. Lower middle - Erin Joy loved her swing. Lower right - I took this photo of Erin and developed it.

This is the beautiful book stand crafted in Spain, sent by Alec Satin, the Lutheran Librarian. The beautiful facsimile KJV Bible is on the right, donated by a couple in the congregation.

 The reluctant lilies began to bloom this year.

 Joe Pye Weed is slowly budding and the butterflies have arrived to check out their paradise.

Another Creation powerhouse - Mountain Mint was mistakenly covered over with cardboard and mulch, soon bursting through to develop its own pollinator paradise.

 If you like big hips, try Rugosa rose, known for its raggy leaves and big, bright seed pods (hips) full of Vitamin C, used in chewables.

 This may be a red-tailed hawk, perched on the main bird feeder. I wonder why. He always looks at me fiercely, suggesting "You're next."

 A leftover glad from last year bloomed perfectly and went to church on Sunday.

 The entire garden was filled with a ginger-like aroma, which changed into heavy perfume. This lily is enormous.

 Crepe Myrtle is planted for showy flowers and for Cardinal food later. They love to nest at their fast food condo. Robins also love this plant.

 Ranger Bob arranged this memorial. The orange flower is Butterfly Weed, related to Milkweed. Many of my favorites are in the weed family.

 Christina loved Caladiums, which some call Elephant Ears. Slugs also love them.

 Butterfly Weed blooms a long time and attracts a bright orange beetle.

Christina Holding Bethany Joan Marie, One Year Old

 Bethany Joan Marie was one year old and in her mother's arms in this photo. The rocker has been in a few living rooms, for 50 years.

I have a number of photos on a peg board and a few other places. They all make me smile. 

Bethany developed natural blonde curls, so nurses loved calling her Angel.

 Bethany was propped up by the couch for this photo, which Grandma probably took in Sturgis.

Happy Birthday, Bethany Joan Marie, August 2nd

 Bethany loved her nurse Ida, and Ida adored her. Ida's estate included a lot of Bethany photos and portraits, and we inherited them.

Nothing is quite like falling into the cauldron of rare disorders in children. Ordinary doctors are useless. Specialists wonder how they can experiment. Most friends and relatives drop away, but new friends and new families by adoption develop. Mark 10:29-30.

Bethany had to endure the novelty of her disorder, which was never diagnosed. The Cleveland Clinic threw her records away, which is just one of their misdeeds. However, Bethany was the vanguard of our assault against indifference, malpractice, and dealing with various bureaucracies. I told Christina, "You are like Scarlet in Gone With the Wind. I pity the soldier who captures you."

 Bethany loved the camera and had perfect vision, so getting a great photo was easy.

We had two friends in the same section of the PhD program in theology at Notre Dame. One dealt with his daughter's many neurological problems, and both of them succumbed to cancer. The other lost his sister, who had a rare disorder. The experiences changed our perspective entirely, so those LCA leaders who feigned faith became a relentless goad. But those other Lutheran leaders, who pretended to be Scriptural and superior to the LCA, coveted the LCA and clamored to be the same. The difference? - honest aposates versus lying apostates, all studying together at Fuller, Willow Creek, and Trinity Divinity.

Bethany grew stronger and could proper herself up on her elbows, but losing that ability meant neurological degeneration.

Bethany and Erin, who shared a room at one time, showed that nothing material really mattered. Threats were empty. Some of the worldly wise enjoyed being especially nasty and indifferent, but they were outweighed by another group of people. For them, Bethany and Erin were the Rosetta Stone that translated all of life. Both girls were as weak and helpless as a child could be, not even able to roll over. But they were very alert, took in everything, understood and responded to those who loved them, talked to them, and told funny stories about them.

 The natural blonde curls suggested her nickname everywhere - Angel. Her eyes always followed the camera, which was contrary to her diagnosis.

When Bethany did not like her squash, she spit it into Ida's face. Ida loved telling us that story, and Bethany loved hearing it. They had many games and jokes together, a heavenly joy since Ida had her own mysterious disability. That limited Ida's ability in this world but enhanced her communication with Bethany. So what if 99% looked down on both of them, if the Good Shepherd watched over both.

I told one couple that situations like this are energizing rather than crippling, when understood correctly. Most people go through life measuring things by material goals, which is natural with so many metrics about happiness based on cars, phones, homes, and titles. When McDonalds youthful staff smirked at my Town Car - only Sassy's window could roll down - I said, "Don't laugh. This car is older than you are, and it's paid for."

What matters the most, the highly regarded treasures on earth or the eternal treasures revealed to us?

Happy Birthday, Bethany Joan Marie

Nurses always called her Angel, because of her big eyes,
ready smile, and strawberry blond curls.

August 2nd marks the 41st birthday of Bethany Joan Marie, Erin's older sister. Both had the same neurological condition that slowly weakened them. 

Bethany sat up on schedule but lost that ability. That meant she was not retarded but suffering from some degenerative neurological condition. The Cleveland Clinic and its associates in medicine were never able to arrive at a diagnosis. We had to deal with profound ignorance on the part of many, from doctors to nurses to social workers and minsters. That is why we wrote Angel Joy.

Holding up her head was a normal developmental benchmark.
Bethany propped herself on her elbows too, but lost that ability.

Bethany had big smiles for everyone, and her favorite nurse, Ida, just adored taking care of her.

Ida's favorite story was feeding baby-food beets to Bethany, who spit them out into Ida's face and laughed. Ida was delighted that her little charge could muster the strength and humor to offer a critique of beets.

Bethany loved to hear the beets story, over and over again.

The clergy in WELS used our daughters' terminal illness against us - not just in Paul Kuske's reign of terror in the Michigan District, which voted him out of office. Mark Schroeder's pals do the same thing, and the synod president supports them. A pastor must be a particular brand of vermin to engage in such tactics, but it only shows a vulpine lack of character behind an ovine mask of piety.

Bethany and Erin taught us to see the eternal life side of life, which is a constant Gospel message in the traditional liturgy and classic hymns. They suffered from bad medicine, foolish do-gooders, and their disorder, but they also had their guardian angels, many of them human, who showered them with love and got even more love back.

They received so many gifts that we gave giant bags of toys to various charities to share with others. Some decided the girls needed the very best clothes. Bethany and Erin loved their finery and the attention it drew.

The girls could not speak or turn over, but they knew how to communicate, through their eyes, smiles, laughter, tears, and outbursts. Once Bethany threw a tantrum in my arms. I asked, "Is that how you get your way around here?" She relaxed at once and laughed.

Bethany, Little Ichabod, and Erin Joy.
Bethany always looked at the camera. We had Martin avoid the flash reflection.
Erin was grinning at her mother.