New WELS Hymn

I wish I could claim this parody, which appeared at Bailing Water, inspired by a bogus WELS hymn-writing contest:

A WELS Hymnwriter said...

Here's one entry for the contest. The tune is Dear Christians One and All Rejoice

We thank you Lord that we are WELS
And have all of our doctrines right.
For if we erred in just one point
That would become an awful blight
It would our saving faith destroy;
We would lose all our heav’nly joy
We’d be just like Missouri.

We thank you Lord we’re not Miss’ri
Who must plead for your mercy.
The unit concept they deny
And mess up public ministry.
But what else ought we to expect
From men who did not go to prep,
To New Ulm or to Mequon.

We thank you Lord for abstract truths
That we alone have perceiv-ed,
For function, gospel, ministry
Whose forms must be conceiv-ed
By your church as it deems it best,
So phys ed, science, and the rest
All count as public ministry.

Don’t get us wrong; we will not say
That we alone will be in heav’n.
For though our faith would be destroyed
By just the slightest leaven,
Yet some who are in churches wrong
Will join us in the heav’nly throng
In spite of their false teachings.

For these are they who do not know
That their beliefs are not quite true.
Their ignorance gives them a pass
God lets those in who have no clue.
But those who know Wisconsin’s creed
And think that it is wrong indeed
Are damned forever. Amen.