Church in Trouble? Conference Breakout 101.... Extreme Makeover: Church Edition
Pastor Adam Mueller
[Wayne Mueller's son will fix ya up. Follow the CrossWalk, Laveen (Phoenix) model and go generic.]
Is your congregation stuck in the mud? Has attendance plateaued? Are offerings stagnant? Maybe your congregation needs an extreme makeover.
Email: pastormueller@yahoo.com
Website: www.crosswalkinlaveen.org/
---
Contemporary Worship - Conference Breakout 506....
Your Guide to Starting Your Own Alternative Worship Experience
[C and C board member Ski knows how to do it. First you go to a Baptist conference, shunning fellow Lutherans, to worship with people who really know how to shake their booty. Then you abandon the liturgy, Lutheran hymns, the Creeds, and the sermon. Once you realize what a drag Lutheran doctrine is, you organize charismatic cell groups and your church becomes contagious.]
Pastor James “Ski” Skorzewski and Staff Minister Brian Davison
Changes are taking place in the worship world. There still remains a strong interest in blended and contemporary worship among many in our midst. A number of WELS congregations have been conducting blended or contemporary services for years. This workshop will provide help and guidance from someone who has undertaken the process at St. Marcus in Milwaukee. Topics to be discussed include how to begin a blended/contemporary service in a small/traditional congregation so that everyone is blessed; recruiting musicians, vocalists, and technical persons; equipment needs; stage presence; best music to use at the start; copyright matters; music/worship sources (websites, friends, etc…); use of contemporary liturgies; establishing a WELS network for those interested in helping each other with materials, ideas, and encouragement; and the awakening need for more joyful experiential worship in our midst.
If you are interested in getting your hands on this conference workshop PowerPoint or want more information, email the speaker by selecting the link below!
Email: brian.davison@stmarcus.com, james.skorzewski@stmarcus.com
Website: www.stmarcus.com
---
Churches - How to Build One From Scratch [Scratch is an old nickname for Satan. Building from Scratch is an ideal name for this group.]
Pastor Jeff Gunn
Crosswalk - Phoenix, AZ
Pastor Gun (sic) is also a great resource for:
Marketing a Church a Target Community
Small Groups - Starting them Successfully
Contemporary Music - Doing it up
Outreach Methods - Getting Involved
Researching Alternative Ministry Methods and Models - How To Do It and Pull Workable Ideas From It
Email: jeff@crosswalkinlaveen.org
Website: www.crosswalkinlaveen.org
---
Conference Keynote Speaker: Breakthrough Thinking in WELS Ministry
John Di Frances
From John’s experience, the Evangelicals are great at connecting with people, but are often lacking in the depth and solid foundation of biblical truth. John joined a WELS congregation because he is convinced that WELS teaches the truth of God’s Word. But he has also observed that WELS isn’t necessarily very good at connecting with and engaging people or being seen as relevant to life today by non-Christians. John is personally convinced that WELS can impact our world in ways that surpass the impact of the Evangelical movement. But to do so will require some break-through thinking.
Email: jdf@difrances.com
Website: www.difrances.com
[Coveting the Baptist-Pentecostals is getting old. "Let us fuse Baptist-Pentecostal doctrine with WELS warmth, to create generic family social centers." Breakthrough thinking? Didn't what's-his-name from Fuller do that with Evangelical Style and Lutheran Substance?]
---
Congregation -Conference Breakout 103.... Growing Your Congregation’s Staff from Within
Dr. Lawrence Olson
[Our Staff Infection--also known as, Larry Oh!--took four whole classroom courses and wrote a paper for his drive-by DMin from Fooler Seminary. Why didn't they list where he got is faux-doctorate?]
The WELS Congregational Assistant Program (CAP) encourages and equips members, men and women alike, for a broader ministry within a congregation.
WELS Pastoral Studies Institute (PSI), which guides and assists men from a broad cultural spectrum through their pre-seminary and seminary training.
Email: OlsonLO@mlc-wels.edu
---
Contemporary Worship - Conference Breakout 501....
Creating Irresistible Environments with Contemporary Worship
Pastor John Parlow
[Translation - Plagiarize the Evangelicals and the generics will fill up your beehive. Self-loathing Lutherans are welcome too.]
Explore transferable principles that will help you build a church for outsiders to come to and hear truth that makes a difference now and for eternity. Now is the time to shed ethnic rationalizations, personal preferences, and doomsday attitudes that are offered as excuses for outreach failures. The truth is the Gospel is timelessly relevant, the church and its representatives may or may not be relevant; the Gospel is timelessly efficacious, the church and its representatives may or may not be effective. Let’s talk about building ministries that are dangerously Christian.
If you are interested in getting your hands on this conference workshop PowerPoint or want more information, email the speaker by selecting the link below!
Email: john.parlow@stmark-depere.org
Website: www.stmarkpartners.org
---
Evangelism - WELS Parish Services
[Note the crossover. WELS' agency of apostasy works claw in claw with The Love Shack, where the C and C board members draw a salary from the offerings of WELS members. In nature that is called parasitism.]
Want some great ideas, content and contacts for your ministry? WELS Parish Services was made just for you! Visit their website for information on:
Evangelism
Worship
Youth Discipleship
Parish Schools
Adult Discipleship
Special Ministries
Parish Assistance
Website: www.wels.net/bps
---
Group Ministry - Small
Pastor Peter Panitzke
[Better known as Peter Pan, this guy will teach congregations how to set up Pietistic cell groups, the essential method and doctrine of Fooler Seminary, Willow Crick, and various clones.]
Two 40 day programs with daily devotions and small group sessions.
Email: ppanitzke@stpaulmuskego.org
---
Jail Mininstry - WELS Training Team
Pastor Carl Ziemer
[Tour various jails and prisons to see where WELS church workers have stayed, should have stayed, or may be visiting soon. WELS clergy do prison ministry from the inside.]
Looking to get involved in jail ministries? WELS Special Ministries Administrator, Pastor Carl Ziemer, knows all about it!
Give him a call.
Special Ministries
2929 N Mayfair Rd.
Milwaukee, WI 53222
Phone: 414 256 3241
Website: www.wels.net/cgi-bin/site.pl?csm
Website: www.stpaulmuskego.org
---
Leadership - Conference Breakout 110....
Unlock Your Leadership Potential with Coaching
Pastor Mike and Christy Geiger
[This implies that both are pastors. Not quite, but taking baby steps. The Church Shrinkers all favor women's ordination, already placing women in authority over men and having women teach men. Coaching? That weird guy from the planet Jupiter coaches people. He has never done anything in his life except coach, so that makes him successful - inventing a vocation.]
Learn about the coaching profession, discover how coaching can support your growth and development, and understand how to develop your skills as a coach/ leader. Develop the soft skills of personal development, vision, passion, focus, goals, time mastery, leadership, performance and accountability, all of which can greatly enhance your ability to be productive in ministry AND have life balance.
If you are interested in getting your hands on this conference workshop PowerPoint or want more information on Synergy Strategies events, email the speaker by selecting the link below!
Email: mgeiger@nc.rr.com, christy@synergystrategies.com
Website: www.synergystrategies.com
---
Outreach - Compassions Ministry
Ami Cordes
[Women teaching men? Here is an example. Laveen again.]
Crosswalk Phoenix, AZ
The CrossWalk Compassions Ministry exists to reflect Christ's compassion by providing support and building bridges to people who are hurting or in need within our church and community.
Our Compassions Ministry can help…
---
Prayer - WELS Prayer Institute
Steve Witte, Shelley Mattes and Reg Draheim
[If Witte is involved, Church Shrinkage is involved. Spawning new parasitic organisms is the way aliens take over Planet Earth. Church and Change has seen those movies...and learned. Soon we will all be pod creatures, walking around like zombies, saying, "I never went to Fooler Seminary."]
The WELS Prayer Institute exists to promote and encourage prayer throughout the WELS for WELS leaders, pastors, churches, and ministries. God has clearly given us this command to pray in Ephesians 6:18-20, and many other places throughout the Old and New Testament Scriptures.
Visit their website, join in on a prayer and be encouraged!
Contact Shelley Mattes for more information.
Email: shelleymattes@yahoo.com
Website: www.welsprayerinstitute.com
• Home visits to the depressed or hurting
• Delivering food to those in financial need
• Providing for needs during a pregnancy, death in the family or illness
• Providing rides to church and medical appointments
• Weekly phone calls to the ill and suffering
• Hospital visits
• Counseling Referrals
• Shelter and Food Pantry Guidance
All of these services are provided by selfless volunteers that give of their time and talents while serving in humility, being beacons of grace, and building relationships with God's people.
Email: amicordes@hotmail.com
Website: www.crosswalkphoenix.com/discover-ministry/compassions.aspx [Laveen again!]
***
GJ - What have we learned today? By studying the published works of WELS Church and Change, we can trace Who's Who in Church Shrinkage at The Love Shack, who the pals are in parish ministry, who is starting new parasitic organisms. The information is freely available from the braggarts themselves.
Wake up and smell the pod creatures. They are lurching toward your congregation right now.
