Trophy wife weddings are a specialty in WELS. The couple will be expected to fund a wide variety of projects, all doomed to failure, but handy for employing the flotsam and jetsam of the clergy.
If Hef has enough money left from previous marriage disasters, he can share the bounty with Missouri and the Little Sect on the Prairie. All three sects have shared "whales," the really big fish they have harpooned with absolution activated by highly visible giving.
UOJ is not good for planned giving. The whales need to feel the guilt first before they can enjoy the comfort of the post-teen bride.
Caution - the bride may return to Buddhism or Goth when Hef expires from an overdose of his medicine. Seriously, it has happened before.
