“Dear Synod”
[What follows is not my work, but was sent to me in an e-mail and I was asked if I would post it. Absolutely.]
Dear Synod,
Allow me to introduce myself. I was born into a Lutheran family. My father is a Lutheran pastor and has been my entire life. I was baptized and made a child of God’s kingdom when I was three weeks old. I attended Lutheran grade schools, and Lutheran high school, and one of the Concordias for college. Shortly after college I got married and moved with my new husband to the seminary, where he studies to become a pastor. We received our first Call fresh out of the seminary and served there for four years until we took another Call. That one didn’t last four years. Tensions built until my husband was granted a “peaceful release.” That was nearly two years ago. Since then things have been very difficult, to say the least. We are not alone, either. There are many other men out there in the same boat who have simply been let go from their congregations for one reason or another. We are real people. We are not merely statistics. We have children who are hurting, bills to pay, decisions to make for our futures, and wounding hearts that desperately need the love of Christ in a tangible way.
This, then, is CRM.
Technically speaking, CRM means “candidate for the reverend ministry.” Derisively but truthfully it is called “Completely Ruined Ministry.” We have found that to be the case. No one in a position to do anything seems to be willing to actually help. Men on CRM have to deal with the stigma of being blacklisted, and it is often assumed that they got what was coming to them. Somehow the congregation that removed their pastor becomes almighty- the congregation can do no wrong. The pastor is presumed guilty out of hand. Thus many district presidents do not wish even to touch pastors on CRM. Too messy or too controversial.
Synod by-laws allow three reasons a pastor be released from a Call:
1. Teaching or promoting false doctrine,
2. An immoral lifestyle, or
3. Willful refusal or inability to execute one’s duties
My husband was not released for any of those reasons. His style of ministry was simply not what the influential and vocal members of our congregation wanted, so they fired him. Yes, dear Synod. Call it what it is. He was fired. There was no “peaceful release.” There was slander and betrayal enough to make a soap opera look tame. I’d like to say ours is a unique situation, but you know the truth as well as I- a good number of men on CRM had no valid reason for their release. They were simply fired, as one would expect in the business world. But if we are to allow this offense, then why are these men not allowed to submit resumes to churches and apply for positions as is done in the business world? Why bother to insist that the Call is divine? It cannot work both ways, dear Synod. It cannot.
Many fine men have been fighting the CRM fight much longer than I and have put forth resolutions and petitions, and offered specific steps that should be taken to help correct this problem. I will leave the verbiage and technicalities to them. That is their area of expertise and not mine. I am simply a voice for the families affected by all this. This problem is not a few rogue pastors wallowing in self-pity. No, dear Synod, the effects are much more far-reaching. Let me show you who is affected and how.
PASTORS: Let’s start with the obvious here. Yes, pastors are the ones most directly affected by CRM. But what you might not realize is that this widening problem affects ALL pastors. By allowing congregations to fire their pastors, the entire Office of the Holy Ministry is cheapened. All pastors have the possibility of getting booted out looming over their heads. Any complaints that arise have the potential of getting blown out of proportion. It’s a nasty business, especially in the church, to have to be suspicious and on one’s guard continually.
And what of the actual pastors put on CRM unwillingly and unfairly? My husband, like all other men on CRM, went through 8 years of schooling to become a pastor. Now he works in a job he despises and could have gotten out of high school. He does it for us, his family. He still provides for us and I am proud of him for it, but he has lost his dignity, his morale, and his sense of identity. Even if he were to receive another Call he will still have that sense of unease that at any time betrayal could happen again. Another pastor whom I contacted just this week went through CRM himself. His words are as follows: “I lost everything. Church, home, income, potential, reputation, health, wife, and children, AND had to and still have to face scorn.” At a further point in our communication I told him I hoped I hadn’t hurt him by any of my direct comments. His reply is heart-breaking. He said, “You haven’t hurt me. There’s nothing left to hurt.”
SPOUSES: As the wife and mother of my family I hold the position of being the emotional heart of my home. It is a position I value highly, but it has never been more difficult than it has been over the last two years. It is difficult to encourage everyone else when I myself am disheartened and at times even bordering on depression. I cannot tell you how difficult it was for me to watch my husband being publicly slandered and then to watch the effects his release had on him afterward. He is simply not the same person, and truthfully, neither am I. Our marriage has been severely tested, but we are still together. Others are not as fortunate. When my husband was fired I lost pretty much everything I knew- my involvement there, my friends, my church home, and all this at a time when support from one’s church family is more crucial than ever. People I thought were friends betrayed us. That cuts deeply. I struggle daily with feelings of bitterness. The devil loves this, you know. He loves every bit of this. He loves that another faithful pastor has been silenced for now and that we are struggling so. He daily tries to remind me of people against whom I should hold a grudge. He does his job all too well. He even tempts me to stew in bitterness against you, dear Synod, because by doing nothing so far you are in effect condoning the congregations who so blithely and casually remove their pastors. God is using this time to change my heart. Make no mistake, as in the story of Joseph, God can and will turn evil intentions into good, to be used for His purposes. I may not yet know what those intentions are. Perhaps I will never know. But it’s a daily struggle to latch onto that promise. Quite frankly, most days it’s much easier to wallow in despair and self-pity and doubt. What of the other wives in the same position? What hope can be offered to them?
A week ago both seminaries had their placement services for vicarage and their Call services for candidates graduating and ready to be ordained. While I am excited for those men who were assigned a Call, I am also deeply hurt by the comments and pleas that we still have vacancies to fill and need more workers in the harvest field. Ouch, dear Synod. Ouch. What of us? You have a willing, fully trained group of men on CRM who would gladly fill those positions if given the chance! You might argue that some men on CRM truly are unfit for the ministry at this point, and that is true, but the majority of the 200+ of us do not fall into the “unfit” category. Those comments cut me like a knife. It was salt in a wound. Please don’t patronize us anymore. Please don’t ignore that we are here and waiting. Please help us.
CHILDREN: This is perhaps the most heartbreaking of all casualties. Do you realize, dear Synod, that our children were abruptly yanked from their friends and school and plopped down in a new school with the knowledge that their father had just been fired from our former parish, all within the span of 24 hours? That’s a lot for any kid to take in. My husband and I did our very best to keep the growing tensions at our parish away from them. They simply didn’t need to know. If the vote had gone the other way and my husband had stayed pastor there, our kids would have been none the wiser for it. The way it happened was tragic. Just the other day, our oldest son cleaned his room and came across an old yearbook. At bedtime I could tell something was wrong and asked him if he wanted to talk. He admitted he had found his yearbook from our former parish and looked through it and was missing his friends there. He told me he had hidden it under his bed and then pleaded, “Don’t tell Daddy.” All I could do was cry with him. He is afraid to even talk about our time there for fear it will hurt Daddy’s feelings or upset him. We have four children. The younger two may escape unscathed, but our older two are witnessing this entire thing, and they are extremely astute. They can read between the lines. I have seen certain behaviors that I believe arise from the uncertainty of everything. They fear we will have to uproot again and they are probably right. Oh, and let’s not forget this, dear Synod. Do you honestly think our kids, or the kids of any of our fellow brethren on CRM will even consider going into church work someday? I most certainly think not. After seeing the shameful way their father has been treated I don’t know that they will even want to stay in the LCMS, and I wouldn’t blame them one bit. You are shooting yourself in the foot in terms of the next generation.
CONGREGATIONS: The whole business of allowing congregations to willfully remove their pastors is extremely dangerous to those congregations. Spiritually dangerous, that is. Congregations simply must be held accountable. To allow them to continue in sin is harmful. Church discipline must be practiced here to produce repentance. Like excommunication, when practiced rightly, the goal is to bring about repentance and reconciliation. When our church removed my husband a “district official” came to them and basically said that if they continued along this path they would not grow. Really?!? This is “discipline?” That’s not even a slap on the wrist! What of those there who truly feel they were doing God’s will? What of their spiritual condition? It is uncaring and negligent not to work with these congregations and lovingly catechize them on what it is to respect the Office of the Holy Ministry. It is folly not to work with them to bring peace and healing within their own members. The congregation we left was divided, dear Synod. Some families left with us, some stayed. What of those who supported us who are sitting next to those who most vocally spoke against us? Do you find it the least bit galling to think they are still communing together, without ever really having worked through their differences? It is the job of the district and ultimately you, dear Synod, to see to the spiritual well-being of the churches in your care. We are dealing with people’s eternal destiny here. This is far too important to ignore.
SYNOD: Yes, dear Synod, even you are affected by the continuation of this whole CRM thing. Non-churched or non-Lutheran friends and family know our situation. They ask why we can’t simply be reassigned. What can we tell them? What kind of image does this portray to them? When we ask them to come to church with us, what will they say? Is this the best you can do for your pastors? You have almost become a laughingstock. And let’s not rule out the possibility that young men in high school or college may know families like us and decide it’s just too risky to enter church work. You say you need workers in the harvest field, but at the same time you discourage those who would enter church work by allowing this situation to perpetuate. What will happen if all the children of all the men on CRM leave you and flee to another denomination with far less sound doctrine? What will happen if our young men decide to look at other vocation options? Where will we be as a synod then? What will become of the spouses of the pastors on CRM? We have our own unique talents and abilities to offer congregations as well. Some of us teach Sunday School, sing in the choir, play handbells, coordinate VBS, serve on the Ladies Aid, get involved in LWML, and so much more. In getting rid of our husbands you also get rid of us. The effects are so much more complex than most people realize.
So now what? Where do we go from here? Dear Synod, we need your help. We don’t need you to tell us you’re aware of the situation. We don’t need you to tell us you’ll pray for us or that you’re working on it. We’ve heard all those things before. We need you to ACT. Consider the resolutions and proposals already set forth. Have your district presidents pick up the phone and call us to ask how they can help. It’s time to heed the admonitions of the apostle James. “Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if not accompanied by action, is dead.” (James 2:16-17) We are real people with real problems. We are the brothers and sisters James mentions who are without clothes and daily food. Don’t give us pat answers. Don’t shower us with false piety or empty promises. Please help us. Show us that the brotherly love of which James speaks is alive and well in the LCMS. Give our husbands a chance to serve as they have been trained. Show our children that ours is a faithful synod. Please, dear Synod. It’s time to act.
Sincerely,
A Sister in Christ
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