Sunday, June 16, 2013

Why Can't More Men Be Fathers?

That is my Greek New Testament.
Martin's Greek lessons started a little later, after
we read the Gospel of John in Latin together.
Then we repeated the entire Gospel in Greek.
Forty years ago, we became parents. Martin was born at Yale-New Haven Hospital. Soon we were in Cleveland for my first parish call.

I cannot understand why so few men want to be fathers. They are far too willing to conceive children, but they abandon them one way or another. The pro-life issue in America is the lack of fathers, not the lack of DNA donors.

Nothing is more fun than having a child, except for having grandchildren. But things must happen in order. Parenting is like a game of chess. The opening moves really matter. That means bath-time, diaper changes, bedtime stories, discipline and lots of love.

There has always been a lot of talk about changing the world. Nothing is more influential than the home.

No one going into retirement will doubt that, because the next generation is already showing the influence of those children who grew up. I read stories to our children. Our son read stories to our children. I participated in lots of activities, and our son continues to do the same.

We did a lot of things together, and we still do. Martin once remarked, when we were doing rust repair on a car, "This is one of the few normal father-son things we have done." He was a lot of help in editing my books, and I got him started in Latin, Greek, and Hebrew. We double-teamed his mother into buying the Atari game computer as an educational tool, and we ended up being right. He has made a great living with computers and his daughter is now trouble-shooting them in the school system as a summer intern  - with good pay.

I am known at Walmart headquarters for attending every single Saturday Morning Meeting (monthy) since we moved here. That comes up when employees whine about starting a meeting at 7 AM. As a result, I know a lot about his work, and that gives me great insights for teaching graduate school in adult education (education technology).

I met Mike Duke and shook hands with him. He is the CEO of Walmart. Few of the 2 million plus associates have done that. I have also met a number of the Waltons - the Walmart heirs.

When I go to Walmart gatherings and meet his colleagues, they make a point of telling me how much they appreciate him and his work. The same thing is true of his work at his independent Lutheran congregation, where he has helped two pastors in various ways.      

Recently we went with his congregation to the Passion Play in Eureka Springs. Soon after we attended a wedding together in Little Rock. Movies are a blast, because we enjoy the granddaughters talking and laughing with each other, our grandson offering commentary.

Being a father is so satisfying. How many people absorb everything said? That is almost impossible, but children listen to everything the parents say, even it means debating and arguing over certain matters.

Most of the fun we had in those early days were low-cost adventures, due to a graduate student's budget. We did not rely on digital device lobotomies for car trips. We talked. We told stories. We made up song parodies. Sometimes I gave lessons to pass the time, like the liberal takeover of Princeton University. We discussed the order of events leading up to WWII as well.

Because we shared the same interests, we were always learning together. We went through rocks, dinosaurs, WWII, aircraft carriers, Star Wars, and various phases of computer science.

I recently had to buy some laundry spotter liquid for some shirts I stained. Chris and I recalled the TV commercial that she and Martin recited when doing the wash in Sturgis. Shout was the stain remover then. She would hold up something and ask, "What would you do with this one?" He would say with great energy, "I would Chout it out." He was a little over two. So, we went over that little video that still runs in our brains when thinking about stain remover.

Because we studied the Bible together and Lutheran doctrine, we have plenty of discussions about what is happening there. That reminds me of the time he told the Indiana LCA bishop, "My father gives the Michigan bishop a hard time." That was one of those gasping moments that could not be taken back, because it was true.

We were in hospitals and doctor's offices far more than most families, all together. We lost our two little girls, no matter what the experts tried to do. They never had an exact name for the disorder, but we had great times with them. And we learned how precious life is, because it opened the door into that world which many people avoid at all costs.

Erin Joy, left, Martin, and Bethany Joan Marie.