Are You My Father?

In 1987, a graduate was the spitting image of one DP.
We did not know about Ed Werner in those days.

From Polluted WELS Blog:

 Ben Wink said...

One thing that I'd like to add regarding the DP discussion. I can't speak if this is the case for every graduating class at MLC, I can only report what I witnessed when I graduated.

In the days leading up to Call Day, there was a get together in the cafeteria for all of those that were graduating and the District Presidents. A meal was served and the DPs went around room presumably to meet the graduates.

Certain DPs found their relatives that were graduating and just hung out at their tables. Too many times one heard the phrase start out with "Hey Dad!" or "Hey Grandpa!" or "Hey Uncle!" to attract them to where they were sitting. Other DPs after finding out that they were sitting at the staff ministry table where I was at, got up to leave it and saunter elsewhere because even then some the DPs at that time were dismissive of staff ministers.

Some students were just fawning and brownnosing to an alarming degree. My naive thought was "Why should I suck up to these men that I've never met before?" All in all it just had the effect of a kiss-arse business networking soiree.

There were some that even made sure that the DP knew their last name because it might just be the tipping point to getting that call or not. Again, my naive thinking led to the idea that this type of brownnosing shouldn't influence something like a "divine call". After all, these men never met me before, how could they know enough during a little dinner to effectively divinely call me? There is more to the process, right?

I would be a liar to say that those with last names the same as DPs or those that yelled out "Hey Uncle...!" were deprived of calls. I never bothered to kiss up during that hour long meet and greet, I got a one-year call, and when that year was up...that was the end of my ever getting called.

It has been over ten years now and I've reached the point now that I'm glad I wasn't shameless in front of these strangers in power just to be noticed and remembered. Why should I kiss these men's rings in order to be divinely called? Who do they think they are?

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 Anonymous said...

^^Ben Wink Not much has changed. This year's MLC graduation leads me to question the word divine. The behavior of one pastor and the SP in the graduation video is questionable since it was considered a service. One only has to view the video at the times posted. A divine call or a nomination for a political position? It was last mentioned in a blog response....

Anonymous July 17, 2014 at 9:10 PM
Anonymous said...

This video at 45:50 shows who fits in. Brother called to same congregation. Rev father seems overly impressed, why the whole clan is. How about, 59:09 same location as brother in GJ blogs favorite picture. To hear the audience response is disturbing. And Schroeder's comment.

http://www.mlc-wels.edu/today/features/current/commencement-recap

Breaking News - Half of the WELS Congregations Will Close or Merge in the Next Few Years

Historic St. John Lutheran Church, Milwaukee.
WELS stole the property and the endowment.
It remains closed.

Sources close to the top revealed today that they expect half of the WELS congregations in the State of Wisconsin to merge or close in the next 10 years.

The demographics are obvious. Half of all the WELS lives in the state. Boomers are the ones with the income and the attendance, but they are leaving the congregations with their feet or shoulder high. If they stay, their retirement income is lower.

WELS wants their congregations to emphasize coffee bars
and rock entertainment.

We will not be able to confirm this story until the synod leaders officially deny it.

The WELS Answer Man will explain why their page says:
Frequently Axed Questions.
If you have questions, you do not belong.

Another Cheerful Reader Responds - After Going Bonkers on the WELS Discussions

Pat Loroff Yes, I am an MLC student.  And now that I've told you that, you're going to start ignoring everything I say because of your view that all MLC-educated people are morons, right?

GJ - No, you are proving it. There are good students. They are kicked out or pushed out or give up in disgust.

Pat Loroff There's obviously no way that anyone is ever going to win in an argument with you about these things.  You have a major superiority complex.  You flaunt your own views about doctrinal differences and practices as if they were the only source of true doctrine.  You constantly lie about people and institutions and events that you know nothing about.  You never cite sources for stories on your blog (i.e. MLC closing in the near future).  Even if this isn't your intent, it's the way you come across on your blog.  Many people share my view on this.  I still don't fully understand why you hate the WELS so much, why you lump everything in the WELS together under your banner of apostasy and false doctrine.  I really do pity you, Dr. Jackson.  If all you can do with your life is scour the internet for anything that says anything about or against the WELS, then you must lead a lonely life indeed.

Pat Loroff - Did I give you permission to post this private message on your blog?

GJ - Mine now

Jeff Schone - Pat, please see me in my office. NOW!

When the fashion police call,
you answer.

Jeff Schone dresses better now.
Here he is spending your student loan money on a posh vacation.
He uses his FB account to spy on students.

Kurt Wittmershaus, MLC,
also enjoys Europe on your dime.
Several weeks on the Continent,
20 years of loan repayment for you.

End the Abuse - Please Read These Posts.

Shattered Pulpit

A Look Behind the Closed Door of Lutheran Clergy Sexual Abuse

This is my story of surviving extensive clergy sexual exploitation & sexual abuse at the hands of a long-time WELS Lutheran pastor which ultimately destroyed my faith and soul. My purpose in writing is so people will not only better understand the early warning signs to prevent it, but also the devastating affect that it has on the woman. I will share how it started, progressed, the red flags that everyone missed, why it's so critical to catch early, and how it destroyed me emotionally & spiritually. The specific details, however, that took place, as it escalated, are too painful to reveal especially since many took place inside the church itself.

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Sunday, August 10, 2014

Why I Tell My Story

This is my story of surviving extensive clergy sexual exploitation & sexual abuse at the hands of a long-time WELS Lutheran pastor which ultimately destroyed my faith and soul. My purpose in writing is so people will not only better understand the early warning signs to prevent it, but also the devastating affect that it has on the woman. I will share how it started, progressed, the red flags that everyone missed, why it's so critical to catch early, and how it destroyed me emotionally & spiritually. The specific details, however, that took place, as it escalated, are too painful to reveal especially since many took place inside the church itself.

For years I lived under the lie of this pastor. I dutifully and faithfully kept his secret. By revealing the trauma I endured as a result of that lie, is the only way change will occur for other victims.  I lost years of my life that I can never recover and my shame is indescribable. If just one person had recognized the red flags along the way it would have saved me years of spiritual death.

Hurt, pain and shame should not be the “monsters” a woman faces when she looks to her pastor for counseling. He is a person that the woman has learned to look up to and trust. Someone she believed would never hurt her. Clergy sexual exploitation creates overwhelming stress in victims and because of the risk and anxiety involved, that stress often becomes traumatic.  In any other traumatic event in a person's life, one turns to the church for support but in this situation the church is the last place the woman wants to go for support. Since part of coping with trauma is spiritual, sexual abuse by aspiritual leader further complicates the recovery process.

Pornography was introduced into the scenario early on and I want to show how that escalated with someone he was counseling. To help with why that is so important, I want to begin with some Synod statistics because according to Andrew Ewald’s 2013-04-16 Senior Thesis at Wisconsin Lutheran Seminary, statistics demonstrate a rise in pornography usage among clergy. His recent interview with a WELS district president revealed that 30% of all resignations within his district were cited as “for cause.” Ten percent of those resignations have been directly related to the use of internet pornography. The same district president noted a growing trend of internet pornography usage among WELS clergy. Arizona-California WELS Report of District Presidents COP policy also reports a growing concern about called workers succumbing to the temptation to view pornographic material.

In fact, pastors engaging in sexual or romantic relationships with their parishioners or counsels--is also more prevalent than is commonly supposed in all religions. While most would acknowledge its existence many do not believe it could happen “in my church.” But according to research by Baylor University School’s National Study of “Clergy Sexual Misconduct with Adults”, 7 women in every congregation of 400 adults have been victims of clergy sexual misconduct. The study, which was conducted on more than 3,500 adults, is the largest scientific study into clergy sexual misconduct. The abuse, however, often is seen by parishioners and denominational executives as something else--a problem with alcohol, for example, or an emotional or relationship problem of the pastor or the parishioner, or a parish conflict.

References:

Crafting an Effective Mentoring Program for Pastors Struggling with Internet Pornography in View of Psychology and Scripture
Baylor Sexual Misconduct Survey

Hope of Survivors

Monday, August 11, 2014

Clergy Predators

Clergy predators are incredible manipulators they have their congregants believing they are holy, trustworthy, righteous, upstanding, chosen men of God. They are frequently charming, charismatic, sensitive, talented, and inspirational. Because the real dynamic is power & control, not sex, they are also perceived as having strong leadership. 

Each of those points describes the offending pastor in my situation perfectly as to how he presented himself to others. This is also why it was easy for me to get “sucked in” and not trust my instincts. It never dawned on me that this would happen. I trusted him after all he was my pastor. But in reality everything they do and say is an act. How many times have we heard, "But he is such a good pastor."? They are "good" pastors in the public eye; that is how they can get away with what they do. 

No one will suspect, no one will accuse, no one will believe. The trust does not have to be earned like with a neighbor, co-worker, or friend. The trust is already established because these men are "chosen" men of God. When a pastor acts inappropriately in a culture that doesn’t understand clergy sexual misconduct, it makes observers mistrust their own judgment, particularly since the behavior was committed by a trusted leader. First indicators are thus ignored by church members, leaders, family, friends, and victims. 

I missed all the first indicators myself. I never saw it coming… until it was too late. I thought I must be imagining it because I was upset and not thinking clearly during the counseling sessions. I talked myself out of being concerned; thinking I’m just too distraught and stressed. I told myself… “Don’t be stupid this is your pastor. He’s married with kids why would he do anything like that”… and then I would feel stupid for even thinking it and pushed those thoughts down - telling myself that I had an over-active imagination and therefore ignored all the early signs.

 Congregations are considered -safe places- where normal self-protection is not necessary. Because of this, women share private and intimate information with pastors that they would not share with others. Once he gets to "know" the victim, and sees where the vulnerability is, he may offer his “help” through "counseling." That is why in many cases of clergy sexual abuse, the victim believes she was seeing the clergyman for “counseling.” By doing this, the pastor is able to get his victims alone behind closed doors. Once behind closed doors, the victim is even more vulnerable, even though she may not realize it. 

In my situation, after I told him what was happening at home, he encouraged me to come in for counseling. I started counseling then because I was in an abusive relationship at home and came to him extremely depressed and afraid. I was to the point of taking my kids and running away, I was so afraid. I sought the help of my pastor in a time of crises, and he used my vulnerability and weakness as an opportunity. Now, I find it disturbing for him to have exploited that vulnerability but I didn’t see it that way at the time. I was so emotionally “strung out” from the stress at home that the thought of that happening never entered my mind. I wish it had.

This makes it easy for the manipulative clergy perpetrator to foster a climate of secrets, gossip and an inner circle of friends while convincing others that he is caring and will go out of the way to help others. As a result, this causes members of the congregation to disregard warning signs, because it is hard to believe that the pastor they have come to know and admire would do something so harmful. 

The pastor in my situation had an inner circle of friends consisting primarily of congregational leaders. They had drinks together after meetings, went out to eat, and socialized on their off time. I think that’s why they missed so many “red flags”; after all, this was their “friend” and pastor. They weren’t looking for signs that the pastor they socialized with was exploiting a woman that he was counseling. I’m sure it never even crossed their minds. American culture expects people to be "nice" to one another and give the benefit of the doubt particularly in a congregation.

References: 
Educating to End Abuse
Soul Stealing: Power Relations in Pastor Sexual Abuse
Sharon's Rose: Understanding Clergy Sexual Abuse

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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The First Touch

In most cases the initial contact seems insignificant and there is no fear felt within the victim – hugs, pats on the back, perhaps even an arm around the shoulder. Many times those initial contacts are so subtle the victim doesn't even realize what is happening. I still vividly remember the very first touch. It was a pat on the shoulder and I thought nothing of it. The “pats” got longer and eventually turned into an arm around the shoulder when I was crying in his office during a counseling session. As his moves got bolder, they also increased in frequency. Small incidental touches became more intimate. The thought that he would actually do something inappropriate though was the last thing on my mind, so I convinced myself that I was imagining it and blamed it on depression. There MUST be another explanation… my pastor would never do that. I would feel stupid for even thinking that he would; after all he was a conservative Lutheran pastor and that alone made it impossible for me to even fathom that he would behave like that. WELS is the one of the most conservative Lutheran churches around. It just wasn’t possible that he would do that. There had to be a reasonable explanation…like my mind was going crazy.If you feel uncomfortable, your boundaries are probably being crossed. The first time I felt uncomfortable was very early on in the counseling sessions. I was crying and telling him about a rough physical time with my abusive husband that happened to have taken place during sex. I tried to minimize the sex aspect because I felt awkward talking to him about that. But he spent more time asking about the intimate details of the sexual encounter than providing comfort with God’s Word, which at thattime, I still desperately wanted.The more I tried to gloss over it, the more persistent he became pressuring me for intimate details. I was so uncomfortable. To this day, I still clearly remember feeling like he was getting his thrills on the details and desperately wishing he would provide comfort instead. I tried to end the session as fast as I could because it felt too awkward. I left thinking I would never go back. But then I started second-guessing myself again - especially when things were bad at home - maybe I did imagine it because I was upset. Maybe it wasn’t like I thought. After all this was my pastor, he wouldn’t really do that. My mind was in such a depressed state from life at home, that I found myself thinking that I was uncomfortable because he was a man in general and not because he acted inappropriately. I rationalized everything.Therefore, once again, I blamed it on an over-active imagination, depression, and not thinking clearly. Then things went from bad to worse at home. My kids and I would spend long hours parked in our van at a Target parking lot because I had nowhere to go and was too afraid to go home. We would suck on icicles to quench the hunger because we had no food. I was desperate and afraid so I found myself going back to him because I so desperately needed God’s comfort. Little did I know the magnitude of shame that was about to unfold by making that decision…