Dear Pastors:
Effective immediately.
You will write your own sermons from now on and post them to your congregation's website or blog, where they will remain. No exceptions.
Anything from another source will be quoted and cited according to APA rules, which you can copy and paste from the APA website.
Plagiarism will not be accepted, even with permission from such looney-tunes as Craig Groeschel.
You will receive one (1) warming (see photo above) if you fail to comply.
The second notice will read - "You are fired. Pack and leave before next Sunday." Do not worry about a divine call. There are none for plagiarists.
You will bear the price for any plagiarism lawsuits, since we are notifying various sources of this policy.
Second - All sermons will bear evidence of Biblical, Confessional research and hours of study. If you do not wish to teach Lutheran doctrine, I will understand your reluctance to stay captive in a Lutheran congregation paying you a salary and benefits. That would not be fair, so I will encourage the congregation to set you free at once.
Third - Since we want congregations eager to hear the Word and study the Confessions in the future, you will lead your parish in those studies and publish them on your website and blog.
Fourth - At the very least, you will visit shut-ins regularly, visit the hospitalized at once, and serve the grieving. Prospects who sign the guestbook will be visited the same week, Monday or Tuesday ideally.
Closed communion will be your policy, naturally, and you will understand why if you have gotten this far in the memo.
I have dissolved most of our district committees. They waste time and money. We can do most of it through the Net. Spend that time with your families.
+The DP
