|Who leaked this to Ichabod? We shut down the Internet to prevent this!|
This election guide for WELS elections was kept simple because everyone is not only elected by the delegates but appointed by the Holy Spirit and thereby infallible, as Holy Mother Rome also teaches.
WELS Election Guide - Do Not Release to Outside Media or a Certain Blog
Is the candidate related to a District President or Sausage Factory professor? Vote yes. Check the WELS family tree link disclosed in a separate, secure email.
Has the candidate worked for Mark Jeske or kissed up to him? Vote yes.
Has the candidate participated in Church and Change and its affiliates? Vote yes.
Was the candidate ever on the board of Church and Change, whether overtly or covertly? Vote YES!
Has the candidate ever agreed with a post on the Intrepid Lutherans, Ichabod, Shattered Pulpit, Bailing Water, Ecclesia Augustana, Issues in WELS, WELS Documented, WELS in Crisis, and similar banished, banned, and erased blogs? Vote no! and underline it in red. Ask our KGB division for help - they know. Rage at the elections committee for letting the nomination through.
Have certain words leaked into the candidate's conversation, words like:
- Means of Grace
- The Righteousness of Faith
- Justification by faith?
Vote no! and report this matter to our KGB division.
Thank you for your help in keeping WELS as it is and always has been, indefectible, pure and spotless.