A Load of Bull From WELS President-in-Waiting Wayne Mueller

Donated By: Wayne Mueller
Est. Value: $500.00

Description: Jack-of-all-trades Wayne Mueller offers a quarter of a locally "grown" Black Angus steer to the selective carnivores among us. Lovingly tended and masterfully groomed (okay, that's stretching it) by Pastor Wayne, these prime cuts will eliminate the need to ask, "Where's the beef?"

***

GJ - This is from the Junk for Jesus sale at Luther Prep. If the Wisconsin sect keeps writing self-parodies, I will not have to write my own parodies. I can just copy their material and leave the readers rolling in the aisles.

***

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "A Load of Bull From WELS President-in-Waiting Wayn...":

That auction is absolutely appalling. I am just floored that WELS people support this. Auctioning off parking spaces for sporting events and sacred concerts and services of a personal attendant for the live auction? I need to go vomit.

Junk for Jesus Sale at Luther Prep

Actual graphic from Luther Prep Website, quoted below:

Welcome to Luther Prep's 3rd Annual Gala and ONLINE Auction!

LIGHTS! CAMERA! AUCTION! – Gala Event is Saturday, April 19, 2008 from 4:30-9:30.

We still have room for guests – but purchase seats soon.
We’re still taking donations – but let us know soon.

Join in the fun by looking over the items that have been donated. Just click on “VIEW AUCTION CATALOG”. More items added daily.

Bid at the Gala, via proxy bidder [rothedk@lps.wels.net to secure this], or in our Online Auction.

ONLINE AUCTION: April 5-9

All the donated items are in the online catalog – some are VIEW ONLY, some are ONLINE BIDDING ONLY.

This ONLINE BIDDING opens at 6am CST on Saturday, April 5 and stays open for bidding through 8pm Wednesday, April 9 CST.

You’ll have to register to bid online. This secures we know who won the item with the highest bid. A few items have a “reserve” of a certain amount that must be met or the item can not be sold per the bidder’s wishes.

Bidding follows the online established rules like an ebay bidding: Ready Set Auction will automatically bid up at $1.00 increments to your maximum bid you entered. Someone else becomes high bidder when they surpass the maximum amount you entered. Check back often – email rothedk@lps.wels.net should you have trouble or any questions.

Thank You

As we read in II Corinthians 9:12 “This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.”

WE THANK YOU for THANKING GOD through your joyful gifts to Luther Prep!

Questions: Call Debbie at 920.262.8104 or email rothedk@lps.wels.net

The entire catalogue is available by clicking this link.

1,000+ Posts

Stay tuned.

And who is the hatchet man of the Little Sect on the Prairie? The Right Rev. Kincaid Smith, DMin in Church Growth, Concordia Seminary, Ft. Wayne.

Every synodical pope loves to have a hatchet man to do his wet work.

You Can't Do This! I Know My Rites! Anglicans Steal a March on Moldstad

Bishop Gene Robinson: "May I pick the hymns?"
FLORIDA: Bishop Formally Fires 22 Priests

By David W. Virtue
www.virtueonline.org
4/5/2008

On March 25, the Bishop of Florida, the Rt. Rev. Samuel Johnson Howard, formally fired 22 priests from the Diocese of Florida the largest single group of priests to be deposed in the history of the Epsicopal Church at one time.

In a letter obtained by Virtueonline, Howard wrote, "By my action today, with the advice and the consent of the Standing Committee of the Episcopal Church in the Diocese of Florida, and pursuant to Canon IV.10.2.ii, I hereby release from the obligations of priests (for causes which do not affect the person's moral character) and deprive of the right to exercise the gifts and spiritual authority conferred in ordination upon:

The Rev. David C. Allert, Priest
The Rev. Charles S. Bailey, Deacon
The Rev. Gary Blaylock, Priest
The Rev. Charles H. Colt, Priest
The Rev. Gilbert T. Crosby, Priest
The Rev. Mark Eldredge, Priest
The Rev. Travis Greenman, Priest
The Rev. Edwin C. Griswold, Priest
The Rev. George W. Hall, Jr., Priest
The Rev. Harald K. Haugan, Priest
The Rev. Dorothy Head, Deacon
The Rev. James L. Hobby, Priest
The Rev. Sharon S. Hobby, Priest
The Rev W. Hall Hunt, Priest
The Rev. Neil G. Lebhar, Priest
The Rev. Petrina A. McCarty, Deacon
The Rev. Lawrence E. O'Connell, Priest
The Rev. William Earl Palmer, Priest
The Rev. James M. Parker, Priest
The Rev. Shawn E. Porter, Priest
The Rev. Leonard Eugene Strickland,Priest
The Rev. George W. Stockhowe, Jr., Priest

Neither Strickland nor Porter were ever inhibited, a source told VOL.

This action is taken after expiration of the six month period of inhibition for abandonment of the communion of this church and failure of either of the above named individuals to communicate any retraction of any declaration of act relied upon in the determination that the above individuals have abandoned the communion of this church.

The letter was dated March 25, 2008 And signed by the Rt. Rev Samuel Johnson Howard VII Bishop of Florida.

The letter was signed in the presence of two witnesses the Rev. Gayanne Silver and the Rev. Sandra K. Moyle.

The letter was forwarded to the Presiding Bishop, Recorder of Ordinations, The Secretary of the House of Bishops, The Church Deployment Office and the Bishops of the Episcopal Authority (or Ecclesiastical Authority of each) and to various offices in the Diocese of Florida.

All of the above priests challenged the Episcopal Church on pansexuality and the church's ordination of an avowed homosexual to the episcopacy, the formal acceptance of homosexual behavior for clergy, the blessing of same sex unions, same-sex rites, and the abandonment of the authority of Scripture. They believed the church had moved beyond the bounds of Scripture to endorse behavior that endangered their souls and those of their parishioners.

Most of the priests have entered into formal association with Continuing Anglican jurisdictions that are orthodox in faith and morals.

http://www.virtueonline.org/portal/content/Howard_Pronouncement_Letter_3-25-08.pdf

Buffalo Bob Was WELS

Buffalo Bob Smith, mentor to Howdy Doody, served as a WELS organist in North Carolina. The Howdy Doody Show was one of our favorites, a true classic.

Buffalo Bob Smith - The celebrity nickname of Bob Smith, the host of the classic children's puppet series HOWDY DOODY/NBC/1947-60. With the assistance of a silent clown named Clarabell, Buffalo Bob Smith, entertained the children in his audience (known as the Peanut Gallery) and interacted with all sorts of comic characters including the freckle-faced puppet star of the show, Howdy Doody. On earlier episodes Buffalo Bob Smith was just called Mr. Smith but by 1948 he was known as Buffalo Bob, a name given him by the Sycapoose Indians, a friendly tribe of American Indians who lived near the circus town of Doodyville. Buffalo Bob wore a yellow buckskin outfit with red fringe and buffalo insignias, supposedly because he was a descendent of Buffalo Bill. At the beginning of each program Buffalo Bob asked "Say, kids, What time is it? The kids then yelled "It's Howdy Doody Time!" Before taking on his role as host of THE HOWDY DOODY SHOW, Bob Smith was a member of the "Hi-Hatters," a radio singing group popular in the 1930s. Coincidentally, Bob Smith was born in Buffalo, New York. He died of cancer on July 30, 1998 near his home at Flat Rock, North Carolina. A replica of Howdy Doody resides in the Smithsonian Institution.

Here is a great link about Buffalo Bob, explaining the keyboard and North Carolina connection.

***

(AP) "Buffalo Bob" Smith, the host of The Howdy Doody Show in the early years of television, died Thursday of cancer. He was 80.

Smith, who lived in the western North Carolina town of Flat Rock, died at a hospital in nearby Hendersonville, said family publicist Kelly Stitch. She said the family would not release further details.

Fans knew the opening routine of the show by heart. Smith would shout out, "What time is it?" and the Peanut Gallery - the kiddie studio audience - would respond with glee: "It's Howdy Doody time!"

Even though the TV show went off the air in 1960 after 13 seasons and more than 2,500 shows, Buffalo Bob and the freckle-faced marionette Howdy Doody were more than celebrities to millions of baby boomers across the country.

They became like a member of the family to their young fans and the young at heart. Columnist Bob Greene wrote in 1987 that the show "may have been the most important cultural landmark for my generation."

"I always liked kids," Smith, the father of three sons, said in an interview in 1994. "You can't kid a kid. They know right away if you like them or not."

Among the show's other much-loved characters in the town Doodyville, U.S.A.: Clarabell the Clown, Princess Summerfall Winterspring, Phineas T. Bluster, Dilly Dally, Chief Thunderthud, Trapper John and Flubadub. One of the performers who played Clarabell was Bob Keeshan, later to become TV's Captain Kangaroo.

"No one knows how hard we worked all those years," Smith told People magazine in 1987. "Live TV is the most difficult thing to do in the world. You're on the spot all the time."

Recovering from a 1954 heart attack that sidelined him for months, he actually did some appearances from a specially built studio in the basement of his home.

After his return to the NBC studio in 1955, he told The Associated Press he drove himself out of "a feeling of pride. You're happy that people want you to entertain them." He said the heart attack taught him to "remember your limits."

In the 1960s, Smith retreated from his spot in front of the TV camera and went back into radio, this time as an owner. He bought three radio stations and dabbled in real estate.

In 1970, he got a call out of the blue from a student at the University of Pennsylvania, who asked him to bring along Howdy Doody to the school and do a show.

"I thought he was putting me on," Smith said.

He wasn't.

College students who had grown up watching Howdy Doody felt right at home back in the Peanut Gallery. Over the next six years, Smith and his famous sidekick made hundreds of appearances across the country.

He and Mildred, his wife of more than 57 years, moved to Flat Rock in 1991 to spend more time on his other passion, golf. He still made occasional appearances at nostalgia events, bringing his marionette with he snub nose and perpetual smile with him.

Smith got his start on the radio and his nickname in his hometown, Buffalo, N.Y.

"I did just about everything you could do on the radio when I was 15," he said. Two years later, singer Kate Smith came to Buffalo.

Smith joined her vaudeville act, playing the piano at times and other times playing master of ceremonies. He was back working successfully in radio when NBC was looking for someone in 1947 to be host of a children's television show.

That was the birth of The Howdy Doody Show.

Despite his efforts to keep a low profile in later years, Smith's trademark "Buffalo Bob" voice always seemed to give him away.

"I walk into a supermarket and nobody recognizes me," he said in the 1994 interview. "Then I open my mouth and somebody always says, 'That's Buffalo Bob!'"

In addition to his wife, Smith is survived by sons Robin, Ronald, and Christopher and three grandchildren.

A private memorial service is planned but no date was given.

Famous WELS Actor Dead at 84

Charlton Heston died at the age of 84, after a remarkable career as a Hollywood actor, Second Amendment advocate, and WELS member.

Mrs. Ichabod says I misspoke. Heston was an Episcopalian.

How did I make that mistake? Oh, I remember. Heston was the featured speaker at a WELS Lutherans for Life gathering. The Wisconsin sect pulled out of Lutherans for Life because they were worried about unionism. So when Heston was announced, I naturally remembered him as a Wisconsin sect member.

They would never listen to someone from another denomination! Would they?

Mrs. Ichabod is speaking. Hmm? Oh yes, I forgot. They invited every denomination except one to teach them about worship. Which one did they overlook? They forgot to invite the ELS? Tiefel - you devil.

What is the definition of a unionist? Answer - Someone who loves every denomination except his own.

Reading Comprehension 101

Michael Schottey has left a new comment on your post "Conservative Lies and Liberal Truths":

Notice I didn't say I was glad that sinned (sic). I said glad that they repented.

If the angels rejoice, Rev. Jackson, at a lost sheep who returns to the fold--why do you not? What would you demand for penance?

Are you better than Samuel, do you have a better method of proving repentance than taking a person at their (sic) word?

***

GJ - I have to repeat myself when I write about WELS felonies. The basic Wisconsin sect approach is to say, "They repented."

My primary emphasis was upon the cover-ups by synodical officials. Their secrecy shows they have not repented. The (ELCA) Lutheran magazine has often posted news of their clergy when arrested.

The same synod officials who claim they know nothing about high crimes will suddenly become omniscient when they know all about a pastor who has questioned Holy Mother Synod.

VP Paul Kuske's favorite fake pastor, Floyd Stolzenburg, was allowed to pose as a Wisconsin pastor when he was forced out of the LCMS ministry for cause. WELS officials claimed their non-WELS pet was "repentant," Michael's favorite word of the week. Yet Floyd told everyone he had a "Scriptural divorce." Does lying about one's ex-wife constitute repentance in WELS?

When VP Kuske and Pastor Schumann helped their Church Growth buddy Floyd into Emmanuel Lutheran Church, they showed no signs of repentance. No, Kuske denied helping Floyd. Kuske's denials became gold standard proof that something was true.

The lying did not stop. Soon the Little Sect on the Prairie was gathering money from Floyd's Masonic church for Thoughts of Faith. Jay Webber thought that was a terrible sin until he was a recipient of some of that money. Some interesting fibs from a repentant ELS - Thoughts of Faith was not ELS, even though John Shep was installed at an ELS convention. How do I know? I was there. Kovaciny was not ELS, even though he was sent by the ELS to the Ukraine.

Floyd posted all kinds of Thoughts of Faith material on his church website, until I linked the pages for people to enjoy. CG fanatics think it is "unclassy" to quote them. In fact, the original quoted material is "unclassy." They just do not like being caught being themselves and bragging about it.

Then we have the murderers and molesters in WELS. Are the church officials repentant about covering up for them? Did they apologize to the Escanaba congregation for allowing a murderer to serve as pastor for a year or two? Did they apologize to the pastors they stuck with Tabor's phony mission congregation in Cape Girardeau?

Ichabodians, do you notice a pattern? The guilty are protected and rewarded by synod officials. No one is allowed to discuss the secrets.

Michael, I am not sure angels rejoice that DP Mueller, VP Kuske, and the ELS all helped to legitimize the hireling ministry of Floyd Luther Stolzenburg, Junior. If the Wisconsin and Norwegian sects want to brag about spreading the Church Growth doctrine of Fuller and Willow Creek, they should brag about Stolzenburg and tell the truth...for once.

Do angels rejoice that Al Just served almost no time in the hoosegow for murdering his wife, lying about it, and letting his church officials support him? The jury found him guilty of murder. Just confessed his guilt enough that several people know about his confession. But Just also let people continue to think he was innocent. I hear no heavenly host rejoicing at this highly selective repentance.

I missed the feature article in FIC (Forward in Collusion) where the district pastors repented for electing and re-electing Ed Werner as District Pope. In fact, I do not believe the Wisconsin sect ever admitted to have a synodical official in state prison.

When the victim of Scott Zerbe and Fred Adrian sued the Wisconsin sect in court, Holy Mother WELS lied about their previous cases of abuse. The synod's lawyers said they knew nothing about anything. The victim's lawyer produced a list of well-known cases, forcing the sect to come clean for once. I still have the list they were forced to give the court. (Yes, even the infallible Wisconsin Synod must obey a judge's order.) The jury found against WELS, Adrian, his congregation, etc. $400K in damages. The repentant synod immediately appealed the verdict. Adrian rejoiced in a letter - we are covered by insurance. No Fred, everyone with that company had to pay for your failure to supervise a married vicar in your congregation. Fred had two vicar reports. One said - Yes I knew. The other said - No I did not. Michael can sort out which one caused angels to rejoice in heaven.

The Church of the Lutheran Confession (sic) is no different. If the synodical pope's relative is caught, the white-wash flows like a mighty river. False doctrine? "We only see it through our telescopes - There she blows. Like a shock of wheat. WELS in 1952. Shudder. Thank God we are not like them."

Briefly Noted

Time of Grace, Mark Jeske: Has he gone too far with unionism?

Someone asked about educational episodes through Bethany Lutheran Worship. Once we are over the Opening Night jitters, plans will be made. Some possibilities are: 1) The Book of Concord; 2) Catholic, Lutheran, Protestant; 3) Basic Christian Doctrine.

A seminarian at the Sausage Factory in Mequon says his post was true and not from a District Pope. No, a DP would have a flunky send out a false report. The only way Mequon could be called unionistic today would be to have a Lutheran teacher there. An Evangelical teaching at Mequon? Big deal. Teufel had the whole National Council of Churches teach at his "WELS" worship confab, years ago. Everyone was invited to teach--except anyone from the Little Sect on the Prairie!

Norm Teigen agreed that the Synodical VP was voted out of office but denied Pope John campaigned for the job. I never said Pope John the Malefactor campaigned for it.
The hatchet man bragged about getting rid of the other VP. Then he was sore that appeared in CN.

Who is the ELS hatchet man? You all know his name. Do the sectarian character assasins work on their own or are they guided, directed, and blessed by synodical leaders? "Thanks for the teaching job, Dad. Too bad I had to step over a few dead bodies to reach the podium."

Rev. Mouse says only stupid people sign their names to posts. Ergo, he is not stupid, but the rest of you are.

Responding to my peerless parody of Phantom of the Opera, Rev. Mouse also says that it must be nice to have so much time to waste. Mouse writes a nasty, anonymous note almost every day. Every one is a personal attack. I can tell by the content that he reads every post I write, but he never has anything to say about doctrine, the Confessions, Luther, or anything of substance. I gather he is stuck in Buffalo Chip Prairie, North Dakota, nicking sermons from the Net, passing the time by being a big shot to his ovine friends from the Sausage Factory. "Hey, Fritz, I got another note posted on Ichabod. Let's have another Schwein."

The Second Sunday after Easter

Misericordias Domini: The Second Sunday after Easter




Hymn #188
The Invocation p. 5
The Confession of Sins
The Absolution
The Introit p. 6
The Gloria Patri
The Kyrie p. 7
The Gloria in Excelsis
The Salutation and Collect p. 9
The Epistle and Gradual 1 Peter 2:21-25
The Gospel John 10:11-16
Glory be to Thee, O Lord!
Praise be to Thee, O Christ!
The Apostles Creed p. 12
Sermon Hymn #191
The Sermon
The Good Shepherd

The Prayers and Lord's Prayer p. 13
The Benediction p. 14
The Closing Hymn #656





KJV Titus 3:9 But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain. 10 A man that is an heretick after the first and second admonition reject; 11 Knowing that he that is such is subverted, and sinneth, being condemned of himself.

KJV 1 Peter 2:21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: 22 Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: 23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously: 24 Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed. 25 For ye were as sheep going astray; but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.

KJV John 10:11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. 12 But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep. 13 The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine. 15 As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd.

“I am the Good Shepherd: the Good Shepherd giveth His life for the sheep.”

Sadly, most people are not familiar with the images used by Jesus in this simple but profound sermon. Sheep farming is rare. I read recently that most sheep farms in the US are run as hobbies and tax dodges for the wealthy.

We had family friends who raised sheep, and that made us familiar with the nature and behavior of those creatures. As children, we played around the sheep and had fun with them. The two boys and their sister were strong and full of mischief, but they were not destructive.

We got some sheep to aim themselves into the corner where the fence came together. Sure enough, the other sheep crowded around them and tried to follow them. Soon we had a large group of sheep, all pushing forward against the fence. I thought we made a terrible mistake. Thinking the sheep might be stuck in that position until dawn, I tried to pull them away and separate them. The sheep resisted and kept pushing forward. Our friend laughed at my predicament and said, “Don’t worry. Leave them alone. They will back away later.” I waited for the drama to unfold later, but nothing happened. The sheep finally wised up.

“For ye were as sheep going astray: but are now returned unto the Shepherd and Bishop of your souls.”

The poetry of this passage comes from the way in which shepherds cared for their sheep in the time of Jesus. At night, all the shepherds kept the sheep in a communal pen with the guard across the doorway, protecting them. The only way a predator could get at the sheep was to climb over the fence or to climb over the guard at the door. In the morning, the individual shepherds came to the pen and called their sheep by name. Each sheep had a name like White Nose or Fat Tail. The shepherd knew his sheep and the sheep knew his voice.

KJV John 10:1 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that entereth not by the door into the sheepfold, but climbeth up some other way, the same is a thief and a robber. 2 But he that entereth in by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. 3 To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out. 4 And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice. 5 And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers. 6 This parable spake Jesus unto them: but they understood not what things they were which he spake unto them. 7 Then said Jesus unto them again, Verily, verily, I say unto you, I am the door of the sheep. 8 All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers: but the sheep did not hear them. 9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. 10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. 12 But he that is an hireling, and not the shepherd, whose own the sheep are not, seeth the wolf coming, and leaveth the sheep, and fleeth: and the wolf catcheth them, and scattereth the sheep. 13 The hireling fleeth, because he is an hireling, and careth not for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine. 15 As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd. 17 Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again. 18 No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father. 19 There was a division therefore again among the Jews for these sayings.

When Jesus said, “I am the Good Shepherd,” He was using a term which really means, “I am the Unique Shepherd,” but that does not translate well. We all know of the Good Shepherd as Christ, the only Shepherd who lays down His life for the sheep.

The shepherd imagery comes from Old Testament times and from the economy of the New Testament times as well. Mutton and wool are not essential to us now, but they were the mainstay of the People of God. Sheep and goats travel well with their owners and provide a vast array of useful products.

Sheep are especially vulnerable and foolish, so God chose to compare us to sheep, making Jesus the Good Shepherd.

From Isaiah 40, a familiar passage in Handel’s “Messiah:”
He shall feed His flock like a shepherd,
He shall carry the lambs in His arms,
And gently lead those with young.

The words of the 23rd Psalm is so familiar that people forget a sheep seems to be the author:

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he
leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths
of righteousness for his name's sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with
me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence
of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil;
my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the
days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the
Lord for ever.

The Good Shepherd provides us with the spiritual nourishment we need from the Means of Grace. He guides us and leads us toward all good things. The Bible does not emphasize material needs first, but spiritual needs. Man worries about material needs most of all, spiritual needs least.

Material needs are the small things in life, from God’s viewpoint.

“Seek first the Kingdom and its righteousness, and all these things will be yours.” The only way we can seek the righteousness of the Kingdom is through Christ. His righteousness comes to us through the Word and Sacraments, never apart from the Word and Sacraments.

In this way, God chose to give us assurance of His forgiveness. If we depend on feelings, or a beautiful sunset, or works, the foundation of assurance is weak and transient. The Word—visible and invisible—does not change or vary. The Holy Spirit at work in the Word prompts faith.

People do believe. The grace coming through the Word and Sacraments begins and sustains faith in God’s Promises. Through faith in Christ, we receive the blessings promised. The Gospel Promises promote Gospel fruits, such as prayer and good works for our neighbors.

The Good Shepherd lesson teaches us about the crucifixion and the resurrection - I lay down my life for the sheep and take it up again.

This message also emphasizes the personal relationship between the Good Shepherd and the believer. That should never be forgotten. Jesus knows each and every one of us by name. He knows us and we know His voice.

Believers do not listen to the voice of others. That is why false teachers make disciples so easily. They get to work with the vast majority who do not believe, the masses who see religion as a pacifier or a meal ticket. They demand wolf-preaching and they get wolf-preaching.

This great love of false teaching bothers faithful pastors and members, but it must be so. They want and need each other. They hate sound doctrine and persecute it. The correct teaching of the Bible is never loved by the masses. If they cannot attack the message directly, they attack the bearer of the message.

But we have this great Promise, that the Shepherd is as anxious for us as we are for Him. A shepherd can only have pity upon helpless sheep that wander and get themselves into trouble, fatal trouble. Our sinfulness is our great burden, and Christ takes that upon Himself.

If someone does something wrong, we want our pound of flesh. But the Parables of Forgiveness teach the opposite about God’s nature. In the Lost Coin, Lost Sheep, and Prodigal Son, the nature of God is rejoicing over the lost being found again.

KJV Luke 15:4 What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? 5 And when he hath found it, he layeth it on his shoulders, rejoicing. 6 And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost. 7 I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance.

Lately I have had trouble getting my own homework in on time. One week I used “The Prodigal Son returns” on the email with my homework. Another week I quoted Shakespeare:

The Quality of Mercy

The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blest:
It blesseth him that gives and him that takes.
Tis mightiest in the mightiest; it becomes
The throned monarch better than his crown.
His scepter shows the force of temporal power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear of kings.
But mercy is above this sceptered sway;
It is enthroned in the hearts of kings;
It is an attribute of God himself;
And earthly power doth then show like God's
When mercy seasons justice.
The Merchant of Venice, by the Earl of Oxford (Shakespeare)

Shakespeare’s plays show that he was a Christian, perhaps a Protestant who became a Catholic at one point. The words of this passage are the essence of the Gospel, and they might have been used to calm the fury of Queen Elisabeth. I have found it effective in dealing with professors.

The Gospel promotes mercy in those who hear the message. Jesus came to us in mercy so that we would enjoy His love and mercy forever.

As the Good Shepherd, He does more than lead us to green pastures through the Word. He also uses His staff to warn away and punish false teachers. Every pastor and Christian has that obligation, to emphasize sound doctrine and reject false doctrine. Our relationship to Christ is not sustained by warm and fuzzy feelings, by vague and conflicting words, but by the Very Word of God, which conveys Christ’s mercy to us in clear, plain words.

He laid His life down and took it up again, for our sakes.

KJV John 3:14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: 15 That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life. 16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. 17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. 18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

Collect
Lord God, heavenly Father, who of Thy fatherly goodness hast been mindful of us poor, miserable sinners, and hast given Thy beloved Son to be our shepherd, not only to nourish us by His word, but also to defend us from sin, death, and the devil: We beseech Thee, grant us Thy Holy Spirit, that, even as this Shepherd doth know us and succor us in every affliction, we also may know Him, and, trusting in Him, seek help and comfort in Him, from our hearts obey His voice, and obtain eternal salvation, through the same, Thy Son Jesus Christ, who liveth and reigneth with Thee and the Holy Ghost, one true God, world without end. Amen.


QUOTATIONS



"You may say: 'I want to remain in the heterodox church in order to accomplish good in it, namely to prevent it from losing the truth altogether.' If you happen to be in a heterodox church, then first of all, bear witness to the truth clearly and definitely. If they listen to you, good. Under certain circumstances, you can wait a little, to see whether the truth is accepted. But as soon as it is clear that they will not accept the truth, you must separate yourself from that group which holds to the error. If you, nevertheless, remain in it, then you are no longer reinforcing the truth, but rather, the error...It is an absolute contradiction to be both a witness-bearer for the truth, and an associate of false teachers."
Francis Pieper, The Difference Between Orthodox And Heterodox Churches, and Supplement, Coos Bay, Oregon: St. Paul's Lutheran Church, 1981, p. 49.

"As Luther says: You 'cannot remain in the same stall with others who propagate false doctrine or are attached to it or always speak good words to the devil and his crowd.'" [XVII, 1477; probably St. Louis edition]
Francis Pieper, The Difference Between Orthodox And Heterodox Churches, and Supplement, Coos Bay, Oregon: St. Paul's Lutheran Church, 1981, p. 49.

"Every departure from God's Word, every error, is dangerous to the soul. There is a fearful, diabolical power in error; for every error is the devil's work, and through fellowship with error a person puts himself under the influence of the devil. Here human reason is helpless."
Francis Pieper, The Difference between Orthodox and Heterodox Churches, and Supplement, Coos Bay, Oregon: St. Paul's Lutheran Church, 1981, p. 42.

"Let us therefore beware, lest by practicing fellowship with the heterodox we put ourselves carelessly into danger, and thus lose our salvation." Francis Pieper, The Difference between Orthodox and Heterodox Churches, and Supplement, Coos Bay, Oregon: St. Paul's Lutheran Church, 1981, p. 42. "Finally: heterodox churches are in a continuous state of warfare against the orthodox Church, against that Church which, in conformity with the will of God, confesses all parts of the truth. Heterodox people revile and persecute those who abide by God's Word. Surely, an evil work!"
Francis Pieper, The Difference between Orthodox and Heterodox Churches, and Supplement, Coos Bay, Oregon: St. Paul's Lutheran Church, 1981, p. 44.

"If any one shows us that even only one pastor preached false doctrine, or that even only one periodical is in the service of false doctrine, and we did not remove this false doctrine, we thereby would have ceased to be an orthodox Synod, and we would have become a unionistic fellowship." [the one after only is italicized each time] Lehre und Wehre, Jahrgang 36, Nummer 8, S. 262-3
Francis Pieper, The Difference Between Orthodox And Heterodox Churches, and Supplement, Coos Bay, Oregon: St. Paul's Lutheran Church, 1981, p. 55.

"We have no intention of yielding aught of the eternal, immutable truth of God for the sake of temporal peace, tranquility, and unity (which, moreover, is not in our power to do). Nor would such peace and unity, since it is devised against the truth and for its suppression, have any permanency. Still less are we inclined to adorn and conceal a corruption of the pure doctrine and manifest, condemned errors. But we entertain heartfelt pleasure and love for, and are on our part sincerely inclined and anxious to advance, that unity according to our utmost power, by which His glory remains to God uninjured, nothing of the divine truth of the Holy Gospel is surrendered, no room is given to the least error, poor sinners are brought to true, genuine repentance, raised up by faith, confirmed in new obedience, and thus justified and eternally saved alone through the sole merit of Christ." (Closing of Formula of Concord, Trigl. p. 1095)
Francis Pieper, The Difference Between Orthodox And Heterodox Churches, and Supplement, Coos Bay, Oregon: St. Paul's Lutheran Church, 1981, p. 65. Tappert, p. 632. Heiser, p. 294. FC SD XI, #94-96.

"That is the reason why our Church from the very beginning declared that it requires its preachers 'not to depart an inch' from its confessions, not to turn aside from the doctrines laid down in them, non tantum in rebus, sed etiam in phrasibus, that is, both as regards the matter offered in their sermons and the manner of their teaching."
C. F. W. Walther, The Proper Distinction between Law and Gospel, trans., W. H. T. Dau, St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 1928, p. 277.

"On the ground of these and many other testimonies the Church has always taught with unanimity that, when a saint knowingly and purposely acts contrary to God's command, he is no longer a saint, but has lost the true faith and cast away the Holy Spirit. But if he turns again, God will keep the gracious oath which He has sworn, saying: 'As I live, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live.'"
C. F. W. Walther, The Proper Distinction between Law and Gospel, trans., W. H. T. Dau, St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 1928, p. 219. Ezekiel 18:23.

"But when a person persists in his sin against his conscience, though he knows it to be a sin, and continues sinning purposely for a long time, he no longer has faith and cannot truly pray to God; the Holy Spirit leaves his heart, for another spirit, the evil spirit, rules in it, whom the sinner has admitted into his heart. To him the Holy Spirit yields His place and departs."
C. F. W. Walther, The Proper Distinction between Law and Gospel, trans., W. H. T. Dau, St. Louis: Concordia Publishing House, 1928, p. 220.

Bruce Church: Count the Offering

Bruce Church thought the WELS financial turnaround was due to a gift from the Schwan Foundation for $8 million.

I went back to my records and found WELS receiving $24 million in 1998, 10 years ago.

WELS doubled its spending during the peak of Schwan donations, entering into many obligations that could not be maintained. When the Schwan money began to decline, WELS turned into the profligate nephew written out of his aunt's will. Panic!

The improvement has probably come from the Michiganders unhitching their purse strings and a few 2007 tax-beating gifts. SP Gurgel had so many gifts of leadership, as he claimed, that synodical income went up as soon as he left the country.

Disturbing is the trend of saying, "We are doing great" when some big gifts come in. The last time I checked my Bible, money was the small stuff in the Kingdom. I am waiting for some sign that Book of Concord doctrine is getting a toehold.

Planting a False Story

I received a "signed" comment on April Fool's Day about an Evangelical speaking at the Sausage Factory in Mequon. I was expected to post information and denounce it. I really do not know why I should have, even if it were true. The whole faculty adores Deformed theology now. They either promote it or say nothing against it.

Planting false stories is an old WELS/ELS trick. The idea is to promote a falsehood to someone who is a source for another person. Then, when the story is spread, denounce the person who believed the story (which came directly from a friend) without revealing who deceived whom in the first place.

One ELS hatchet man was angry that I published his story in Christian News about the Little Sect on the Prairie getting rid of the confessional VP, so they could get their guy in - John Moldstad. They knew Orvick eventually had to keep his annual promise of retiring. The VP in the ELS becomes Synodical Pope by divine promise, or something like that. The hatchet man did not like the liberals' plans being exposed in Christian News, so he planted a false and slanderous story about a prominent WELS pastor being caught in adultery. He told layman A. Layman A told his son B. Layman B told me. I checked it out. Totally false. I have to wonder about someone so warped that he would do something like that.

One WELS pastor left the ministry, not because he adored Church Growth, but because he copied Willowcreek sermons verbatim and lied about it. Someone fed a layman the story that this minister was being welcomed back into the WELS ministry. I checked it out - false story.

Laymen are surprised that synodical officials engage in these tricks. They should not be. An evil tree bears evil fruit.

Angel of Church Growth - From Phantom of the Opera

Behind the Mask, Deformed Theology
OLSON
Where in the world
have you been hiding?
Really, you were
perfect!
I only wish
I knew your secret!
What is this new
Church Growth?
PAUL KELM (abstracted, entering the dressing room)
Waldo once wrote
of this Church Growth . . .
I used to dream he'd
appear . . .
Now as I sing,
I can sense him . . .
And I know
he's here . . .
(trance-like)
Here in this church
he calls me softly . . .
somewhere inside . . .
hiding . . .
Somehow I know
he's always with me . . .
he - the unseen
genius . . .
OLSON (uneasily)
Paul Kelm, you must have
been dreaming . . .
stories like this can't
come true . . .
Paul Kelm, you're talking
in riddles . . .
and it's just
like you . . .
PAUL KELM (not hearing him, ecstatic)
Angel of Church Growth!
Guide
and guardian!
Grant to me your
glory!
OLSON(to himself)
Who is this angel?
This . . .
BOTH
Angel of Church Growth!
Hide no longer!
Secret and strange
angel . . .

WALDO'S VOICE, denouncing confessional pastor...
Insolent boy!
This slave
of Scripture
basking in God's
glory!
Ignorant fool!
This brave
young pastor,
sharing in my
triumph!
PAUL KELM (spell-bound)
Angel! I hear you!
Speak -
I listen . . .
stay by my side,
guide me!
Angel, my soul was weak -
forgive me . . .
enter at last,
Master!
WALDO'S VOICE
Flattering guru,
you shall know me,
see why in shadow
I hide!
Look at your face
in the mirror -
I am there
inside!
(The figure of WALDO WERNING becomes discernible
behind the mirror)
PAUL KELM (ecstatic)
Angel of Church Growth!
Guide and guardian!
Grant to me your
glory!
Angel of Church Growth!
Hide no longer!
Come to me, strange
angel...
WALDO'S VOICE
I am your Angel ...
Come to me: Paul Kelm of Church Growth ...

The 1,000th Post - Coming Soon

Ichabod Remains the 800 Pound Gorilla

The 1,000th Ichabod post will appear fairly soon.

ELCA has an official blog. Their posts are monthly, if they are fired up. ELCA supposedly has a huge PR budget, but their news archives for April are still at zero. Maybe their news desk is in India, to save money. Today I phoned the help desk for a local university. I was speaking to a woman in India, trying to talk over a bad IP phone connection. I think sharks were chewing on the trans-oceanic cable.

WELS AnswerMan has been letting me down, ever since they got a new SP. The other one (composite or not) was so good at sticking his thumb in people's eyes! I depended on that site for humor.

Now Missouri is kicking up a fuss again, over a radio show. They seemed strangely lethargic when someone close to Kieschnick murdered an old lady and set her home on fire to cover up the crime. He was or was not ever connected with the big worship event. He was, before the murder. He was not ever, after the murder. If you have a good memory or click on the labels, you recall that the LCMS pastor of that congregation, Nunnes, disappeared and then emerged as head of the moneyed and liberal pan-Lutheran Wheatridge Foundation. No one asks anymore, "What did he know and when did he know it." They just get him out of town.

Michael S. must be happy that Nunnes is still part of a Lutheran congregation. We know, from UOJ pronouncements, that the whole world is righteous, so repentance is superfluous. Sin more that grace may abound, but move the guilty out of state as soon as possible.

Conservative Lies and Liberal Truths

Conservative synods guard against false doctrine - far away from them.
Michael Schottey has left a new comment on your post "The Mouse That Squeaked":

Wow...

I believe you that all of those things are true. But why? What do any of those have to do with journalism? What purpose would it have served if they had all been "front page news" in FIC?

You know nothing of these men but their misdeeds. I praise God that some of them are back in Lutheran congregational life. Why would you not?

***

GJ - At least Michael signs his name.

This is how the news works - When a man murders his wife, the story is put in the newspaper, on the radio, even on TV. The conservative Lutherans do not admit to anything. They cover up crimes because the felonies would hurt them politically.

When the police investigate a murder, the church officials have an obligation to assist in any way possible. Why do you think Tabor got away with it? People wrote letters to WELS to keep the synod from taking him on. There was nothing in his file when the police investigated.

What moved WELS to take on the notorious Tabor in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, and form a new church around him? I know about Tabor from Roger Zehms, who was the circuit pastor taking Tabor in, Bischoff (in the LCR with Tabor), Jay Webber (who was at Scriptural, CG, where Tabor left) and a few other contacts.

Telling the truth keeps the innocent from suffering. Why did one or more pastors have to suffer from taking on the Tabor mission? WELS grabbed Tabor while he was fleeing the torches and pitchforks of the locals in Cape, first giving him a call, then moving him quickly to Milwaukee. When Tabor and his mistress killed Mrs. Tabor, WELS let him move from Milwaukee to Michigan. Three WELS congregations became associated with a murderer because Zehms and other WELS CG gurus knowingly sponsored Tabor. Zehms baptized a child who "was the spitting image of Tabor."

Telling the truth thwarts the guilty. The conservative Lutheran pastors know that the bigger their crime is, the more likely Holy Mother Synod will cover up for them. Even better, a system of mutual blackmailing keeps everything out of the public eye.

Not knowing one pastor was a known adulterer, I asked him, "Why does WELS elect such weak leaders?" He said, "No one wants the skeletons out of the closet."

Someone should do an audit and find out how many millions have been wasted on crackpot schemes like the Tabor WELS mission in Cape, the founding of Church and Change with WELS offering money, Crossroads in Detroit, Pilgrim (another Zehms pratfall) in Columbus, LPR (Zehms again), and many more.

The conservative synods work with ELCA and ape ELCA every chance they get. Then the conservatives denounce ELCA for being so liberal. ELCA may be the drag queen of the synods, but ELCA is honest about its doctrine and positions.

Issues Etc LCMS News

"Sure, Granny, I would be happy to help you with your will."

LCMS Foundation Fees
We have confirmed that the LCMS Foundation (LF), the bureaucracy responsible for fund raising for KFUO AM including the Issues Etc. program was charging 40¢ per dollar that they raised. (The industry standard is only 10¢)

That means for every $100,000 that the LF raised for Issues Etc. they pocketed $40,000 for themselves.

That left Issues Etc. with only $60,000.

This leads to another question for those who claim that the decision to cancel Issues Etc. was a business decision based upon financial considerations,

"If profitability was so important, why didn't the synodical executives find a cheaper solution for fund raising for Issues Etc. and KFUM AM?"
David Strand claims that Issues Etc. was responsible for more than 40% of KFUO AM's operating deficit. But, we'd like to know how much of a difference it would have made if KFUO AM and Issues Etc. would have been allowed to keep 90% of the money raised for it rather than the meager 60% that was left under the forced arrangement that it had with the LCMS Foundation?

This leads to yet another question...What was the LCMS Foundation doing with all of the money they were pocketing from Issues Etc. and KFUO AM?


***

Pres. Kieschnick Responds
A piece in the Wall Street Journal is hard to dismiss, especially when it finds fault.

Pres. Kieschnick responds to M. Z. Hemingway's article:



As President of The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod, I express my extreme disappointment over the column “Radio Silence” published March 28 under “Houses of Worship.” Its author presents a distorted account of the reason for the discontinuation of the “Issues, Etc.” program on the Synod’s KFUO-AM Radio station. What is even more disturbing is the false and misleading picture she presents of The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod (LCMS) as a deeply divided church regarding its mission and ministry.

First, let me say our church is happy to own and operate KFUO-AM, the oldest continuously operating religious radio station in the country, if not the world. We are proud of the ministry it has provided listeners for some 84 years, and we endeavor to continue this ministry. I must also note that all ministries of the church, of which KFUO-AM is but one, require financial support from their constituencies.

Here are the facts surrounding the termination of “Issues, Etc.” This program was cancelled by the Synod’s director of communications after years of attempts to keep the program financially solvent. In fiscal year 2007-08, KFUO-AM’s operating deficit was $620,000. Since 2001, the accumulated deficits of the station have been in excess of $3.5 million. While airing for only 18 percent of KFUO-AM’s programming week, “Issues, Etc.” in the last fiscal year accounted for more than 40 percent ($250,000) of the station’s total deficit. These figures are based on the audited financial statements of the LCMS. As of February 29, two thirds into the current fiscal year, KFUO-AM was on pace to suffer heavy loses again.

Listeners of “Issues, Etc.” have had nine years and countless invitations and opportunities to support the program financially, and some have, but not nearly enough to offset the show’s deep, ongoing losses.

More importantly, I wish to address the unfortunate comments in the column that The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod is deeply divided and that it is pushing “church marketing” over the historic confessions of the evangelical Lutheran Church.

In truth, last summer the LCMS had its most positive and unified convention in years. Our church remains faithful to the Scriptures and Lutheran Confessions, an integral part of our identity as a church body. As stated in a resolution adopted last summer by the national Synod convention: “From the founding of our Synod 160 years ago, we have been blessed by unity in our common confession and the articles of our shared faith, such as the Trinity, the person and work of Christ, original sin, baptismal regeneration, the real presence of Christ’s body and blood in the Sacrament, the inerrancy of Scripture and many others.”

In accordance with our unity in what we believe, teach, and confess, the Synod adopted the mission and vision of Ablaze!—a focused and concentrated effort to “share the Good News of Jesus Christ with those who do not yet know him.” One goal of Ablaze! calls for the Synod to start 2,000 new congregations by the 500th anniversary of the Reformation in the year 2017. This outreach emphasis is not “marketing” as suggested by last Friday’s column; rather, it is one of many ministry endeavors developed to foster the mission of our Synod “… vigorously to make known the love of Christ by word and deed within our churches, communities, and the world.” (LCMS Mission Statement)

In summary, The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod is more committed than ever to proclaiming the one message of Jesus Christ and his love for all (1 John 4:9-11).

On behalf of The Lutheran Church—Missouri Synod, I invite readers to visit our website at www.lcms.org for more information on God’s grace and salvation in Christ.

Response (numbers refer to paragraphs):

#3: It is not Hemingway who's got the distorted picture. This Site has some alarming reports about re-allocating funds, the actual "loss" sustained by KFUO in comparison with other ministries of the LCMS, and a more accurate picture of just how popular "Issues, Etc." was, based on the number of downloads of radio programs. It also contains some nice charts and graphics :)

#4 Why is that "Issues, Etc." was required to have their own fundraising appeals when it is a "ministry of the LCMS" as Kieschnick reports in paragraph #1?

#6 Church unity is found in Conventions???? Even if, does our President forget the small margins which enabled his win, and the small margins on many other votes? Does he forget that that some candidates were singled out as "lawsuit signers" before every vote was taken? And mentioning one resolution does not unity make, especially when it is as vague as he quotes it.

#7 Ablaze! is not marketing, eh? What of the $2 million spent on mugs, t-shirts, posters, pens, mailings, stationary, staff members, advertising and so forth?

***

GJ - The strangest topics go viral in the Lutheran Church. One doctrinal disaster after another happens in full view of the public, with no comment. Then a radio show is suddenly the last straw. Didn't Jack Casione's buddy start Issues yers ago, leave the show, and end up as DP Benke's advisor? Check out the link. Matzat is a tongue-speaking, miracle working, Holy Spirit dreaming liberal. Cascione forgot to mention that when the two of them were like David and Jonathan.

Many things about Kieschnick's style and doctrine went undetected before he was elected Synodical Pope.

Here is my KFUO experience. They asked to interview me about Liberalism, Its Cause and Cure. I was warned in advance not to mention Christian News in the interview. When they asked about where to order the book, I mentioned NPH and Christian News. The interview was cut short.

Missouri has an odd take on Christian News, just like WELS. They like to benefit from the paper while shunning it. Editor Otten is more of a PR man for all the synods. He spikes stories for them and runs interference for them.

Paul McCain, MDiv, used Christian News to campaign for Al Barry. Jack Preus, Ralph Bohlmann, and Al Barry all used the paper to get elected. Kieschnick went out of his way to visit Otten before running. Kieschnick eyed Otten and told him, "So you have the power to make or break synod presidents?"

The problem with all this is the politican campaign. People work for a successful political strategy and focus on that. If they emphasized the Word and the Confessions, God's will would be accomplished. But they do not trust Isaiah 55:8-11.

The political process yields political results. The conservative politicians are on the shelf, fed and watered when necessary, but without influence.

Excommunicant Giving Down in Little Sect on the Prairie

"Honey, I shrunk the budget."

Synod Finances
Our synod treasurer reports that through the month of February the members of the ELS gave $95,228 to the Lord's work. This is $29,722 short of our projected monthly 2008 budget.

The Left Foot of Fellowship diminishes the Right Hand of Giving, as Pope John the Malefactor has learned.

Except in WELS - The Donor in Columbus, Ohio, was kicked out of WELS, along with his congregation Prince of Peace, and its pastor Marc (not the SP) Schroeder. Money still flows from Prince of Peace to the Sausage Factory in Mequon. Stockholm syndrome?

When WELS was supposedly short of money, SP Gurgel got a Get Out of Jail Free card and found himself in a foreign mission field, mailing "Come to the WELS" goatcart stickers to prospects.

Pope John could help Gurgel in his mission work, once he retires.

Mortgage Meltdown Leads to Ballpark Renaming

Bank One won the naming rights for the Arizona Diamondbacks Stadium, so it began as BOB, the Bank One Ballpark. Aggressive Chase Bank bought up Bank One, so the stadium was renamed Chase Ballpark. That seemed appropriate, since the D-backs were always chasing the hot grounders hit past them.

However, the mortgage crisis hit Chase so badly that they were forced to give up their naming rights, actually sub-letting the lease to another company, General Mills Food. Corporate lawyers were not sure they could do this at first, but an overnight decision from a circuit court allowed the controversial decision.

The food company thought Jolly Green Ballpark sounded too childish, so they decided to go upscale for the benefit of tony Scottsdale, nearby. The new name will be the Lesueur Ballpark, after the region near Minneapolis where the peas are raised. The cold weather is especially good for the peas.

Loof Lirpa, the company spokesman, admitted that the name was tricky. "Ya, da name must be said correctly or it sounds yust like La Sewer. We don't like dat."

The Chase public relations team vowed they would help get the bank back on its feet again so they could get the naming rights back. "It's so bad now, that when a customer starts a new account, we ask him for a toaster."

A reporter for the Arizona Republican agreed. He said, "I stopped at my branch today and they couldn't give me change for a twenty."