Babylon Bee - Biden Asks FBI To Raid His House Too

 

After Seeing The Jump In Trump’s Poll Numbers, Biden Orders FBI To Raid His House Too

POLITICS·Aug 19, 2022 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to sources close to the Biden Administration, President Biden responded to seeing Trump's jump in poll numbers by ordering the FBI to raid his house too.

These orders come at a time when Biden's approval rating has reached record lows, due to 20 consecutive months of unfortunate disasters that allegedly had nothing to do with Biden or his policies, but were the fault of everyone else, especially Trump.

Dogmatics - The Antidote

 

Nothin' says lovin' like Church Growth from the oven,
and Matt the Fatt says it best.

Previously I described three gigantic failures in the dogmatics business:

1. Charlotte Kirschbaum's and her lover's effort - Barth's Church Dogmatics.
2. Braaten-Jenson's misnamed Christian Dogmatics, which cries out for a name, like Misthaufen.
3. The Missouri Synod's Dogma-tanic.

Luther simply worked on the text itself, since he already knew how Aquinas and the rest filled libraries with gigantic but unreadable theology tomes. 

Dogmatics are like the footnotes in Bibles, bound to send people in the wrong direction, always quite deliberate.

The New King James Version is actually the NIV of KJVs, cleverly done with footnotes, something the RSV (from the Marxist National Council of Churches) revived.

The original King James did not like the way the Geneva Bible created an alternate Bible in the footnotes. The footnotes easily become the real content.  It works like this on candy.

"Chocolate is the best candy in the world." * (footnote)

*Some scholars think that carob pods are the best.

Bible footnotes are anonymous and yet carry a lot of weight, as if the alternate NKJV readings, from the scoundrels and fakes of modernism, have the same status as Majority Text.

Virtually all the alternate readings are from the jowls of Westcott and Hort, who were unbelievers raging to make their Greek New Testament the standard - without any explanations for removing text. That GNT catastrophe, now 150 years old, remains dominant in all modern Bibles. 

Hillary Clinton Welcoming Soros

Hillary Clinton Welcoming Soros

https://vimeo.com/740776382

Luther Was the Least Impressed by Dogmatics. He Explained the Scriptures.

Can't you see the ELCA-WELS - LCMS-ELDONUTs

 in Their Pointy Hats - Hugging Their Copies of Management by Objectives?

 "If they are dumb enough to follow me, they are dumb enough to follow anyone. Ja?"

 Or, as Valleskey vowed, "We will all fail together at once!"

 "I copied that from the men's room at Harvard, ja?"

 Drucker: "I am so schmart, I haf Paul Kelm and the WELS eating out of my claws, I mean, hands."

 

 

Who Was Least Impressed by Dogmatics? Follow Him Instead!

I cannot say enough bad things about the Braaten-Jenson Christian Dogmatics. Jenson has gone to his reward but Braaten is like aged milk. The LCA first bragged that this double-decker dogmatics was used at all their seminaries, then later claimed the BJCD was not authoritative or required. Be generous, readers - the ALC/LCA enhanced their deceptive powers by taking in former WELS professors Jungkuntz and Gehrke. Many of ELCA's bishops (DPs) were graduates of Seminex.

 I try not to laugh when reading Barth. I really do.

 Karl seems to have confused God with the theologian - Charlotte.

 "Nothink hoppened," said Karl.

Mistresses do not always age well. This is Charlotte and the great theologian Karl.

 Christina and I met Hunsinger and his first wife at Yale Divinity. His first wife worked at the medical library. Christina and I worked at Yale Medical, she at the Child Study Center, I at the xerox machine.

 Do they sell fortune cookies in Europe?

 What was the middle part again?

 Charlotte is next to Karl. Frau Barth is stage right. Karl's brother is glowering in the back on the left - he did not approve at all.

Charlotte's lifetime work came to a halt when she became terminally ill. 

Or - consider Charlotte Kirschbaum's Church Dogmatics. She fulfilled everyone's dreams long before they were exposed. Little Miss Cutie not only fused her Marxism with Karl Barth's, but they also lived together - privately at first, each summer - then boldly in the dear professor's home packed with his children and wife. Karl and Charlotte toured America, explicitly sharing the same room and bed at each host's home. But decades later, everyone was "shocked, shocked" to hear about the scandal. The ELDONUTs would say, "Nothing happened!" 

Charlotte let Karl write the outline to their Church Dogmatics. She did the research and writing for the "small print" - as Barthians like to say, a little breathlessly and in wonderment and awe.

 The LCMS triumvirate - Calvin, Rambach, and Bishop Stephan STD.

The LCMS finally put together their collection of pronouncements in another double-decker dogmatics book. I am not going to say no one bought it or read it. I bought it, but found it unreadable. Braaten-Jenson made their disaster an interesting read, as if bank robbers were revealed as the top executives at JP Morgan Chase. The Missouri guys never tire of praising themselves while looking over their shoulders to see if the ELCA sisterhood approves.
 

Not Another Efficacy Post!

 

 If the ELDONA-ELCA-WELS-LCMS snip-and-clip Bibles are good - as long as they are not KJV - then they have nullified the efficacy of the Scriptures.

Many people complain about rain and snow, which is like being annoyed because there is so much air to breathe. Our clay soil was so hardened by lack of rain that the backyard sprinkler spike broke when being pushed - unsuccessfully - into the soil. Even a few days ago, with so much supplemental watering, the spike barely got into the first few inches. 

The clouds rolled in to treat us to heavy rains and thunderclaps. Sassy waited for her chance to go out. When only a few drops were falling, she barked to go out and came back in, pausing for her wipe-down, no matter how slight the damp.

All the rain-barrels are full of fresh water now, and the rain continued. In a few days the favored plants will get rainwater to give them extra growing power. 

The Efficacy Motherlode Is Lacking in Lutherdom Today

The political leaders of the various Lutheran sects are so limited in their understanding of Biblical doctrine that they should adopt a title fitting each one:

Dunce Eaton, aka Queen Elizabeth

Dunce Harrison, aka Matt the Fatt

Dunce Schroeder, aka Mirthless Mark

Dunce Heiser, aka Lord Jim.

The efficacy of the Word, like the rain, is just another delay in getting their political work done, in league with Schwan, Thrivent, and their mutual sisterly love (fake loathing).

Where Have You Gone, Bishop Robinson? Our Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes to You.

Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson and his/her husband.

Where have you gone, Bishop Robinson?

Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

Woo, woo, woo

What's that you say, Bishop Robinson?

Joltin' Joe has left and gone away.

Hey, hey, hey

Hey, hey, hey.

This happy couple got divorced.

 Professor Pastor Bishop Seminary President Guy Erwin, Osage Indian, fulfills all ELCA quotas, except...

NEWS ANALYSIS Aug 17, 2022 12:19 AM EST

The Episcopal Church embraces sex changes for children of 'all ages'

"Resolved, that the 80th General Convention calls for the Episcopal Church to advocate for access to gender affirming care in all forms (social, medical, or any other) and at all ages."

Rainy Days and Tuesdays Never Get Me Down

 

Rain was predicted for 2 PM yesterday, but the weather remained hot, humid, and sunny. Sassy and I agree that sessions outdoors are welcome, if only for a short time. The thunderstorm arrived late, at 10 PM, and sounded like the ending of the 1812 Overture.

Sassy is always the guard dog outside. She picks the best place to see most of the cul de sac. She worries about anything different, barks at dogs being walked, and goes on full alert for children playing. Our UPS driver (now listed as a dependent for tax reasons) leaves small Milkbones on the patio table. Sassy checks out the latest supply when we are out. She also finds them in the garden, perhaps a missed toss as he passes our house.

The aerial show is ideal this time of the year. The fragrant plants (Bee Balm, Chaste Tree, Clethra, Joe Pye, Cat Mint, Mountain Mint, Veterans Honor, JP II) generate a heavy perfume that attracts bees, wasps, hummingbirds, and butterflies. Rabbits leisurely graze an abundance of foods. They are nitrogen builders and manure spreaders.

Yesterday a hummingbird came flying toward me, before I sat down. He did his aerial scan, moving up and down, left and right. That is the only bird I know who will come so close and entertain so well. 

As I scanned the garden for new developments, in spite of the stingy rain, I spotted a mirage, a splash of color. I walked around to see which roses were blooming. Enchanted Peace had three sets of blooms at once, but where were those new roses? I could not believe my eyes. The new Queen Elizabeth had five roses blooming at once - no other color like it. Christina always wanted Queen E's in memory of Bethany and Erin Joy. 

 Enchanted Peace is very much like Double Delight, except one stem produces a bouquet of roses blooming at once.

SAD - The Parallel to the Failed Church Growth Movement

SAD is the acronym created by Dr. Joel Fuhrman - the Standard American Diet:

SAD is long on -

1. Fats, 
2. Salt, 
3. Sweeteners, juices, and 
4. High blood sugar carbohydrates (corn, popcorn, white rice, white flour, Wonderbread (I wonder if is bread).

The processed food we buy at McDonalds is very expensive and loaded with all the wrong ingredients, including orange juice (orange flavored syrup, no fiber).

The Chubby Chunky Industry - two components - has an ideal place in our budgets. Our SAD is super expensive for what it pretends to be, such as spending dollars for pennies worth of colas, burgers, and fries. And SAD is very harmful to our health at the same time. Most SAD solutions are expensive.

The Chubby side is exemplified by the enormous aisles at Walmart 

• for sweets, 
• for soda pop, and 
• for snacks. 

At the largest WM in Arkansas, second largest in America, each category above has one side of an entire aisle devoted to that product, plus impulse displays as the laden shopping carts are pushed toward the do-it-yourself cashier.

Being overweight has become the American norm, and that brings us to the Chunky department. The medicine, food, and fad industries endeavor to keep us obese and craving for even more destructive habits. 

First, let us name some obvious outcomes of all that fat - or as the Chubby businesses say - all that wasted money:

• Obesity often causes high blood sugar...diabetes.
• Obesity drives up blood pressure, which leads to cardio-vascular problems, heart-attacks, and stroke.
• Obesity starves the body and brain of good food while substituting bad food for the good.
• Obesity leads to overlapping medical disorders because one thing like diabetes will also cause many other problems, including the need to amputate.
• Obesity drives people to try various useless, expensive, and dangerous fads to reduce weight. Doctors cluck their tongues in pity and offer all kinds of expensive prescription medicine that can be even more dicey than insulin.

Creation-Based Health Ideas - Or, As My Parents Used To Say - "Eat Your Vegetables! Do you know what is wrong with you kids? You are spoiled. SPOILED ROTTEN!"

Dad never saw the irony in his speeches about eating good food.

I was brought to repentance by the combination of overweight, high blood pressure, and high blood sugar. I also had low energy from low potassium thanks to too many colas used to promote energy. 

I found an unread copy of Eat To Live! by Joel Fuhrman in my own library. 

First, I began eliminating bad habits - like ice cream twice a day. One reader observed that our deep freezer was devoted to ice cream treats of many varieties. I also dropped desserts in general.

I knew I could drop 10 pounds easily that way, but I needed to do more than repeat failures of the past. 

I had to flip my habits from 100% SAD to 95% beans, greens, fruits, and nuts. That took my weight down another 25 pounds. I faced food cravings by daily weighing. I lost weight steadily with raw spinach and chickpeas, plus many different vegetables. If I indulged in a craving, I could see my weight go up in the next day or two.

The number one weapon against craving is spinach by the bowl. If I have one or two large bowls of raw spinach, the craving goes away a long time and I am not stuffed, quite unlike a SAD binge. I thought I hated all that spinach; I hated the dressings instead. There are good dressings that are not blobs of fat, but I simply like spinach alone. No, I will not say lettuce alone is Honeymoon Salad.

Almonds and walnuts are also good to blunt craving. They are a daily requirement for nutrition and low cholesterol. 

I enjoy four fruits a day, trying out new ones I previously ignored - two apples at least, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges, blueberries. Yes, I swapped apple pie ala mode for apples.

My main food for the day is a quart of frozen vegetables, warmed up on the gas stove:

1. Chickpeas or other beans, like red or lima.
2. Frozen, chopped collard greens or kale. Mustard and other greens are also good.
3. Frozen peas because I always enjoyed them.
4. Frozen chopped onions, green and red peppers.
5. Tomato paste or low-salt tomato sauce.
6. Sometimes broccoli, cauliflower, mushrooms.

All these ingredients are incredibly low-cost. Remember the Roman Emperor who bonked his head on the pillar and moaned, "Varus - Give me back my legions" ? That is how I feel about the money previously not spent on vegetables, greens, nuts, and fruit.

Some good side-effects of vegetables I did not expect:

• My doctor was shocked that walnuts dropped my bad cholesterol to zero, but he showed me the blood sugar was up with ice cream. He scared me with that A1C level, so I went full-Fuhrman and brought down BP and blood sugar.
• I previously accepted painful arthritic hands, but now that sharp pain is 90% gone and no trouble.
• I dropped a BP medicine once it was in a good range.
• I saw that antihistamines were still driving up my blood pressure, so I dropped Benadryl and Claritin, resulting in normal BP, very good sleep, and no allergic symptoms in ragweed season. Marketing tip - "Drop your allergic medicine and decrease BP and allergic symptoms!" That won't fly.

At the risk of offending the medical industry and the non-licensed food fad industries, I have to conclude -

God created many dozens of medicines through plants, herbs, fruits, and nuts. The variety of cures is simply astonishing and low in cost. 

The medical industry addresses symptoms of eating badly, but they skip over the most basic and least expensive way to cure many problems. Christina went to one cardiologist who weighed 400 pounds. I said, "How can he treat patients with a good conscience?" I told the desk clerk it was a bad idea to ask people there, "Are you ready to check out?"

  The doctor agreed that ice cream is a great tranquilizer. However...