 |
| DP Engelbrecht, future DP Zank, Tim Glende, and Ski abused the victim all over again - with SP Mark Schroeder's approval. |
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Why Victims Should NOT Go to Church Leaders
Advice for victims written by Predatory Pastors
www.http://predatorypastors.com
KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are many more victims of pastoral and clergy sexual abuse than any of us want to believe. Over time, we've learned, there is rarely, if ever, only one victim of a predatory pastor. While we were being abused we were isolated and felt extremely alone. Now it's possible to join with other survivors to find healing.
DON'T GO TO THE CHURCH. Many victims have gone to church leaders and officials to seek help, guidance and/or healing. Many of us went to the church after building up loads of courage and strength, because we wanted to make sure our perpetrators didn't abuse anyone else. We mistakenly thought that church leaders would want to ensure others' safety too and that the perpetrators would be removed from the ministry. So many of us did this without ever telling anyone else. Then we found out that we were wrong. The church leaders did not care about protecting others and they did not care about us. Most of us found the experience of going to the church leaders a horrible mistake. The church leaders were insensitive, doubted our claims and didn't know how to respond to us. We were looking for help and healing, but found further victimization. Most of us left feeling devastated and the entire experience of talking to the church leaders left us hurting more than ever.
Reasons why you should not go to your church leaders and other helpful tips
When first beginning to deal with the abuse, we are very confused about what has happened to us and still trying to sort through it ourselves. We many not have all the facts straight regarding places, dates, times, etc. Frequently our memories become refreshed with lots of details only as we engage in the healing process, taking days, months even years to fully recover. If we've disclosed some details one day and recall more later, we will be discredited for being inconsistent with details.
We have been taught to trust pastors implicitly so we approach with full trust and disclosure. We look up to them and they are in positions of power and authority over us.They, on the other hand, do not trust victims. They may even view you as the "enemy". While we think they are trying to help us, they are in fact, building up a case against us without our knowledge. Things said during initial meetings with church leaders can easily be twisted to use against you and this has happened to a number of CSA victims.
Seek alternative help! As an alternative to going to your church leaders, we recommend that you go to a trusted family member or seek professional help from a counselor. Many CSA victims have found professional counseling to be a very important tool to healing.
Learn your legal rights. The church leaders have a lot more information about our abuse than we do. They know our legal rights, but most of us victims do not know them. We can choose to exercise our legal rights or not, but it is empowering to know we have that choice.
Many survivors develop health problems. The pain and betrayal we felt from being abused was intense. We had no knowledge of how to cope with the experience of Clergy Sexual Abuse as well as the feelings that came as a result. All of us have found a way to survive or we would not be here today. The problem is that many of the coping mechanisms we used to survive the abuse are not healthy. Here are some of the types of problems some CSA survivors have suffered: Alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders, co-dependency, detachment from intimacy, sleep disorders, stomach and intestinal disorders, and overall attitude of anger.
Facing the issues. Acknowledging and facing the issue of our abuse can be extremely time consuming and can require lots of energy and emotions. As a result, many of us have felt completely drained and had months of feeling tired, depressed and overwhelmed. Accept that you are going to have periods in your recover that feel hopeless and know that it will pass.
Everyone is unique. Everyone's healing from abuse is unique. While many of our abusive situations were similar, everyone heals in their own way. Mostly we have learned to trust our own judgement and the people who know us best and love us the most.
We are the victims (survivors)! The abuse was not our fault, no matter what we did or didn't do to stop or prevent it. No matter what, the responsibility for a pastor abusing us rests solely on the pastor. He was in a trusted position of power and authority. We looked up to him. We trusted him and believed what he told us. We thought he was close to God and would help us get closer to God. He should not have taken advantage of his sacred role. He abused his position. He used his role as pastor to victimize us. He had no right to do this. We are victims. We have been wronged and we deserve to have the wrong made right. This will mean different things to each of us, but we all deserve to be made whole, as much as that is possible.
written by Predatory Pastors
www.http://predatorypastors.com
www.http://predatorypastors.com
KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are many more victims of pastoral and clergy sexual abuse than any of us want to believe. Over time, we've learned, there is rarely, if ever, only one victim of a predatory pastor. While we were being abused we were isolated and felt extremely alone. Now it's possible to join with other survivors to find healing.
DON'T GO TO THE CHURCH. Many victims have gone to church leaders and officials to seek help, guidance and/or healing. Many of us went to the church after building up loads of courage and strength, because we wanted to make sure our perpetrators didn't abuse anyone else. We mistakenly thought that church leaders would want to ensure others' safety too and that the perpetrators would be removed from the ministry. So many of us did this without ever telling anyone else. Then we found out that we were wrong. The church leaders did not care about protecting others and they did not care about us. Most of us found the experience of going to the church leaders a horrible mistake. The church leaders were insensitive, doubted our claims and didn't know how to respond to us. We were looking for help and healing, but found further victimization. Most of us left feeling devastated and the entire experience of talking to the church leaders left us hurting more than ever.
Reasons why you should not go to your church leaders and other helpful tips
We have been taught to trust pastors implicitly so we approach with full trust and disclosure. We look up to them and they are in positions of power and authority over us.They, on the other hand, do not trust victims. They may even view you as the "enemy". While we think they are trying to help us, they are in fact, building up a case against us without our knowledge. Things said during initial meetings with church leaders can easily be twisted to use against you and this has happened to a number of CSA victims.
Seek alternative help! As an alternative to going to your church leaders, we recommend that you go to a trusted family member or seek professional help from a counselor. Many CSA victims have found professional counseling to be a very important tool to healing.
Learn your legal rights. The church leaders have a lot more information about our abuse than we do. They know our legal rights, but most of us victims do not know them. We can choose to exercise our legal rights or not, but it is empowering to know we have that choice.
Many survivors develop health problems. The pain and betrayal we felt from being abused was intense. We had no knowledge of how to cope with the experience of Clergy Sexual Abuse as well as the feelings that came as a result. All of us have found a way to survive or we would not be here today. The problem is that many of the coping mechanisms we used to survive the abuse are not healthy. Here are some of the types of problems some CSA survivors have suffered: Alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders, co-dependency, detachment from intimacy, sleep disorders, stomach and intestinal disorders, and overall attitude of anger.
Facing the issues. Acknowledging and facing the issue of our abuse can be extremely time consuming and can require lots of energy and emotions. As a result, many of us have felt completely drained and had months of feeling tired, depressed and overwhelmed. Accept that you are going to have periods in your recover that feel hopeless and know that it will pass.
Everyone is unique. Everyone's healing from abuse is unique. While many of our abusive situations were similar, everyone heals in their own way. Mostly we have learned to trust our own judgement and the people who know us best and love us the most.
We are the victims (survivors)! The abuse was not our fault, no matter what we did or didn't do to stop or prevent it. No matter what, the responsibility for a pastor abusing us rests solely on the pastor. He was in a trusted position of power and authority. We looked up to him. We trusted him and believed what he told us. We thought he was close to God and would help us get closer to God. He should not have taken advantage of his sacred role. He abused his position. He used his role as pastor to victimize us. He had no right to do this. We are victims. We have been wronged and we deserve to have the wrong made right. This will mean different things to each of us, but we all deserve to be made whole, as much as that is possible.
written by Predatory Pastors
www.http://predatorypastors.com
 |
| Matt Harrison ordered Steadfast Lutherans (sic) to remove their thread about the latest LCMS pastoral abuser - and they did. |
