Thursday, May 27, 2010

Answers to WELS Quiz




1. Which sin will disqualify someone from getting a promotion?
e. Hinting that WELS may have been wrong about something. Even thinking that is equivalent to breaking fellowship with Holy Mother WELS and must be punished.

2. Which school is unacceptable by WELS standards?
f. Concordia Seminary - Unless one obtained a DMin in Church Growth from Concordia.

3. If I join WELS Church and Change, which positions can I still hold?
a. Love Shack Staff
b. FIC editor
c. Sausage Factory professor
d. MLC professor
e. WLC professor
f. Doctrinal Pussycat
g. Vulpine Pussycat
h. Circuit Pussycat
i. All of the above

I made that one easy because a lot of tough questions are coming up.


4. Under what conditions can I lead worship in WELS and Missouri?
a. If I am about to be kicked out.
b. If my name is Mark Jeske.
Both answers are correct, which means, "It all depends on who your relatives are."

5. Name the Means of Grace.
a. Thrivent
b. Marvin Schwan
c. Foundations
d. The family tree
WELS trusts in these Means alone for forgiveness and salvation.

6. Pastors who criticize the Church Growth Movement are:
a. Rare
b. Lazy
c. Hurting the synod
d. Not creative
e. Ineligible for a call
Now you are starting to catch on. All of the above are true.

7. Pastors who support the Church Growth Movement are:
a. Full of costly but exciting plans
b. Creative
c. Hard-working
d. Winsome
e. The salvation of the synod

The only problem is - there are not enough of them.


8. Founders and leaders of Church Growth in WELS are:
o. There is no Church Growth Movement in WELS.

That was a trick question. Wayne Mueller, as First VP, published a statement in the denominational magazine, solemnly declaring with utmost clarity - "There is no Church Growth Movement in WELS." If you dispute that, you have broken fellowship with WELS.

9. Which will hurt a congregation's growth?
a. The name Lutheran
b. The word church
c. The historic liturgy
d. Creeds
e. Law and Gospel sermons
f. Liturgical garments
g. Lutheran hymns - better known as funeral dirges
h. Less than friendly ushers
i. Your attitude of standing in the way of progress
Now you know why WELS is hurting.

10. An ideal pastor will spend his time:
a. Planning for growth
b. Attending the conferences of creative denominations and exciting outreach organizations
c. Listening to audio from Fuller, Willow Creek, and Ed Stetzer
d. Deciding on the best sermons to use, whether from Mars Hill or Groeschel or Andy Stanley
If God could only grant more of these!

11. Which authors cannot be named favorably, but must always be warned against?
h. Martin Luther
i. Lenski
j. Any Concordist, if I can remember their names.
That was another easy one, because the last one is tricky indeed.

12. Which one on this list does not belong?
d. Church Growth Pastor

You can get rid of pneumonia, scarlet fever, and strep throat, but you cannot get rid of a Church Growth Pastor.