This just arrived by special courier -
Our attorneys received a link to your slanderous blog post - The Harvey Weinstein Synods Worry about Tuxes. Our legal research department has examined your blog thoroughly. This is a formal demand that you cease and desist publishing that post, erase it, and remove all evidence of it - for the following reasons.
Mr. Weinstein is a distinguished entertainment executive. He has received many honors from his profession, from various charities, and from academia.
- He has never murdered any of his wives, so we think calling these Lutheran groups Harvey Weinstein Synods is especially repugnant, since your fellow rabbis have done this, with few legal consequences.
- If something so horrible had happened at Miramax or any other Weinstein company, we would have disclosed it at once, and not covered it up, as your Chief Rabbis have.
- We employ the finest CPA firms to audit our books, so we would never have so many cases of embezzlement, especially at our own headquarters. Can you say the same? No.
- We have never had the FBI raid our headquarters and seize computer equipment for the crime of dealing in gay child porn. And even if, heaven forbid, that happened, we would not excuse, pardon, and absolve the felon for the sake of good PR.
Therefore, we order you to stop comparing your out-of-control synods to our client.
You have 24 hours to comply or we will seek additional legal action.
Cordially,
Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe
Attorneys at Law
New York City
(satire)
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| Mr. Weinstein is seeking treatment at a secure and undisclosed location. |
