Report to the Twelve Districts
The long, dark tea-time of the soul is not over for WELS. Everyone should read the Report, to get a glimpse of what is going on.
The Church and Money Changers are still doing well, rewarded in many ways, never short of a job. If you want a call in WELS, go to Fuller Seminary or Willow Creek for training, preferably both. Add Groeschel, Drucker, Stanley and more for a DP who will defend your false doctrine to his death. Or for a VP who gets calls to the Sausage Factory and advises them how to teach the Kinder. Leonard Sweetheart? - Kingdom Workers will love ya.
Remember Randy Hunter, Latte
The Report lists the Money Changers who were let go from the Love Shack, only to be hired a few minutes later: Kehl, Kelm, Becker, Stroh. These are not bad times for the Money Changers. Kudu Don Patterson is expanding his empire, Emerging Church style, and he has a free vicar again.
On the world missions scene, WELS adopts a posture of a global church. ELCA is one, and they recently fired 44 staff. WELS has something going on in every corner of the world, a great way to maximize opportunities for travel.
The schools are going downhill rapidly. WELS once had four prep schools. Now they have two failing preps. Tuition is stratospheric while enrollment drops and staffmembers are cut - even at Luther Prep. Michigan Lutheran Seminary once had 300 students. Now they claim 180.
Mary Lou College has an $8 million chapel and declining enrollment. I heard they needed 1000 students, a very small number for a college today. They have 700. There is no longer a reason for MLC, except to produce obnoxious student videos. WLC could easily take over, and they are also run by Shrinkers.
Here is a case to consider. The area Lutheran high schools grew while the plum preps turned into raisins from under-funding. One area school went from 300 students to 100, and the shrinkage is not done. Parochial schools are closing everywhere. MLC no longer has a reason to exist.
The Sausage Factory is suffering from the advice given by Patterson and Kelm. Yes, they gave papers on how to improve seminary education. That is like inviting Dr. Kevorkian to lecture on nursing home care. "No, doc, leave your equipment at your office. Thanks."
Following Patterson's example, the seminary faculty should take all the students to an Exponential gathering, as Kudu Don did with a group of church workers. Or they should arrange a Leonard Sweet conference, as Paul Calvin Kelm did. (Missourians - don't be smug. Your St. Louis sem prez slobbered all over Sweet and put the video on their websty. Kieschnick, of course, adores Sweet too.)
In 1987, Mequon was graduating 60 students a year. Now they are in the 30s with a class of 16 coming up soon. Here is where the gallows humor comes in, making satire so easy to write. From the Report -
1. Good news - now there will not be an oversupply of seminary graduates.
2. Good news - now the faculty have time to complete their graduate degrees.
The schools all represent fixed costs at a time when tuition money is decreasing rapidly. Huge Missouri has considered closing one or both seminaries. WELS will need some solutions for its creaky school system.
I cannot figure out why Henry Hagedorn still has a job, let alone staff. His fiefdom has destroyed more churches than the Chicago Fire. They pretend to have lots of action going on, but they are just watching over the remains of their manifold failures. They have more mission districts than there are districts!
WELS supposedly cut $8 million from a $38 million budget, with more to come in the future. Going Galt is not so bad. The Means of Grace are free. The Instruments of God's Grace have not failed the church. The church has failed to use them.
If you think WELS has turned the corner, read the Report and also check out who writes for FIC (another dinosaur). The Shrinkers remain. The Church and Money Changers have not been chased out of the Temple. They are leasing the Temple - temporarily.
