because we know how hard they study at The Sausage Factory.
1. How do you get ahead after graduation?
Answer - Get a drive-by DMin from Fuller Seminary.
2. How you become a Mequon professor?
Answer - Go to Fuller Seminary and lie about it.
3. You are not in fellowship with Missouri, so where can you go for some continuing education?
Answer - Willow Creek, Trinity in Deerfield, Granger Community Church, Mars Hill.
4. What if you do not have enough money for all those conferences?
Answer - Join Life.TV with Craig Groeschel. He will give you a license to use all his sermons, promotions, videos, and graphics.
5. Where can you meet leaders of WELS, such a district VPs and future DPs?
Answer - Exponential is a great conference for meeting all the leaders we admire from other denominations, plus many WELS pastors and staff members.
6. How do you deal with people discussing certain outrageous facts about WELS?
Answer - First say, "Who told you?" Second, trash the person who gave up the information. Third, make the curious individual a criminal for asking about it.
7. How do you make a DP go away?
Answer - Schedule a meeting where he knows there are doctrinal issues.
8. How do you explain GA?
Answer - "There is no GA."
9. How do you explain classmates and a DP in state prison?
Answer - Look blank. Feign stupidity and lack of knowledge. Try not to sweat.
10. Where did all the Schwan money go?
Answer - In the fulness of time, this will be revealed.
11. Is plagiarism wrong?
Answer - When Ichabod quotes us and gives the source, that is a horrible sin and against the law, especially since we have no time to erase the evidence. If we borrow Baptist or Pentecostal sermons and copy Groeschel, that is not plagiarism, because we are doing it.
