Marriage is for the Gifted
...not for the entitled.
“4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
Jesus Christ, Matt 19
God provided those who would first enjoy his gift of marriage
with three simple guidelines:
_________________ _________________ _________________
“4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
Author (KOTG), Heb 13
Since marriage is God’s gift to us -- each spouse should consciously
and intentionally attach _________ to their marriage.
God made her Different
...in the way she thinks.
“27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
Moses, Gen 1
“Men tend to process better in the left hemisphere of the brain while women tend to process equally well between the two hemispheres. This difference explains why men are generally stronger with left-brain activities and approach problem-solving from a task-oriented perspective…”
Masters of Health Care, 2009, June 16; A. Hensley
“Women typically have a larger deep limbic system than men, which allows them to be more in touch with their feelings and better able to express them, which promotes bonding with others. Men have a more difficult time understanding emotions that are not explicitly verbalized.”
Masters of Health Care, 2009, June 16; A. Hensley
“ 7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”
Peter the Apostle, I Pet 3
To better understand and relate to his wife, a godly husband
will become a _______ of his wife.
God made her Different
...in the way she talks.
“27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”
Moses, Gen 1
“Two sections of the brain responsible for language were found to be larger in women than in men, indicating one reason that women typically excel in language-based subjects and in language-associated thinking. Additionally, men typically only process language in their dominant hemisphere, whereas women process language in both hemispheres.”
Archives of Neurology, 1997, Feb; 54(2):17:1-6
“19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”
James the Lord’s Brother, Jam 1
In marriage, God-pleasing communication means practicing active
______________ skills. Try listening _______ as much as you speak.
God made her Different
...in the way she views ___.
“3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.”
Peter the Apostle, I Pet 3
While beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, it is most often true
that ___________ is in the ear of the beholden.
“4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you….”
Paul the Apostle, I Cor 7
God wants us to treasure the gift of our ___________ using it only in
marriage, and then, never wielded as a ___________.
Marriage does take Two
One-ness and Won-ness.
“9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up…. 11 if two lie down together, they will keep warm. 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
10 If one falls down, his friend can help him up…. 11 if two lie down together, they will keep warm. 12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Solomon the King, Eccl 4
“ As the Scriptures say, ‘A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the Church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and she must respect her husband.”
Paul the Apostle, Eph 5
New Living Translation
One-ness in marriage is grounded in the ________ found in agape love and
the other-________________ inherent in our new man of faith.
“12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”
Paul the Apostle, Col 3
One-ness requires each spouse to live out whose you are so that you
are ___________ to live out who you are in your marriage.
Won-ness leads to One-ness
FIVE THINGS I WISH I HAD KNOWN ABOUT MARRIAGE
…instead of learning the hard way.
Addendum #1
VERBAL EXPENDITURE OF MEN AND WOMEN
Studies show that the average male uses about 12,000 words a day, the entire day, and most of those are spent relating to people while on the job. Remember, most men are aggressive and driven. They will talk at length in the workplace in order to successfully complete an assignment, project, or task.
A woman, on the other hand, averages 25,000 words per day. Now these aren't just any words but words that must connect with people or emotions. In other words, when a woman spends her day iin (sic) the workplace, generally there are few opportuntities (sic) for her to realy (sic) dig in and use her allotment of words.
Here's the problem. At the end of the day -- whether the woman works in an office of in the home -- there is huge difference between the man's word count and the woman's. A man has spent nearly all his words. He comes home tired and drained, looking for a place to recharge for the next day's battle at the office.
A woman, however, is just warming up. She has thousands of words left to speak, and since her husband's word count is depleted, the conversations often wind up sounding like nothing more than question-and-answer sessions.
Dr. Gary Smalley, “Connecting With Your Husband”, 1993, pg. 18-19
Addendum #2
COMMUNICATION SKILLS TO INCREASE INTIMACY
I. Give full attention to your partner when talking. Turn off the phone, shut off the television, make
eye contact.
2. Focus on the good qualities in each other and often praise each other.
3. Be assertive. Share your thoughts, feelings, and needs.
A good way to be assertive without being critical is to use "I" rather than "You" statements.
(i.e. worry when you don't let me know you'll be late" rather than 'You are always late).
4. Avoid criticism.
5. If you must criticize, balance it with at least one positive comment.
(i.e. 'I appreciate how you do the grocery shopping each week. In the future can you remember to give me the
receipt so that I can keep the checkbook balanced?").
6. Listen to understand, not to judge.
7. Use active listening. Summarize your partner's comments before sharing your own reactions or feelings.
8. Avoid blaming each other and work together for a solution.
9. Use the Ten Steps approach. For problems that come up again and again, use the Ten Steps for
Resolving Couple Conflict (available by emailing me at mphenke@athenet.net).
10. Seek counseling. If you are not able to resolve issues, seek counseling before they become more serious.
Addendum #3
MANAGING YOUR EXPECTATIONS:
Expectations about love and marriage have a powerful impact on relationships. All married couples start out hoping for and believing they will experience the very best. Problems arise when these hopes and beliefs are not based on reality. Read the statements below and gauge how you felt at the time you were married. (After the conference, take turns sharing and discussing these with your spouse.)
1 Strongly Disagree 2 Disagree 3 Undecided 4 Agree 5 Strongly Agree
1. My partner will meet all my needs for companionship. ______
2. Time will resolve all if not most of our problems. ______
3. If I have to ask, it is not as meaningful. ______
4. We should be able to live 'happily ever after' with no major problems. ______
5. Keeping secrets about my past or present is acceptable if it would only ______
cause pain for my partner.
6. Less romance means we have less love for one another. ______
7. Our relationship will remain the same. ______
8. My partner's interest in sex will be the same as mine. ______
9. Our relationship will be better when we have a baby. ______
10. We will do things just like my family did. ______
11. Nothing could cause us to question our love for one another. ______
12. I believe I know everything there is to know about my partner. ______
13. Love is all you need for a great marriage. ______
14. It is better to keep silent about something bothering me than to cause ______
unnecessary problems in our relationship.
